Monday, August 14, 2017

Armchair Nazis: If Hating Hate is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna be Alt-Right.

AP Photo/Steve Helber

Hate is a weird thing. I’ve been “hating” on a laundry list of things for a long time, such as five-finger shoes, Ragnar, and tomatoes, but it’s always been sort of a pseudo-hatred, where I shit talk and make fun of things, but at the end of the day I don’t really care about any of it. They’re what fox news would call nothing burger blog posts. They exist as an outlet for my feelings on things that I just don’t quite understand, masked in thick sarcasm and fake hatred. It’s something I’ve done since I was young.

When I was growing up, I was taught to “love thy neighbor” and for the most part, I’ve been pretty successful with taking these lessons to heart. However growing up, my neighbors weren’t Nazis. They were the Fullers. My family had very similar ideals to theirs, so loving thy neighbor was more like loving thyself. It was easy. Like self-love. I feel I would have been taught a different lesson had my parents witnessed the neighborhood kids goose-stepping around burning crosses instead of playing kick the can.

I realize that, in theory, “love thy neighbor” is meant to be applied to all situations, but I’m not so sure it should apply to Nazis. Responding to them with hugs and smiles isn’t going to fix the situation. Spraying them in the face with pepper spray (when threatened with physical violence) might. The only reason I say this is because after seeing the images in Charlottesville, with these frat bros marching along, tiki torch in hand, playing tough-guy, It seems like they aren't super sure they should be there, and the thought of getting sprayed in the face with pepper spray would change their minds. Seriously, I would have a hard time not laughing in their face, were it not for the fact that the whole situation was backed by so much genuine hatred. . . . and weapons.

So the question is, Is it ok to hate hate?

The short answer is yes. You are not a bad person for feeling total disgust when confronted with the reality of someone else’s racism, but just in case, here are some Dos and Don’ts when dealing with racist Nazis.

- Don’t physically attack them unless your life or someone else’s life is in danger.
- Do try to expose their identities. If they don’t want people to know who they are at a public rally, then they always have the option to hide behind their white hoods.
- Do remind them that the 1st amendment gives them the right to say whatever they want. It does not however give them the right to say whatever they want without consequences.
- Don’t feel bad when they’re identified and fired from their jobs for their shitty beliefs. That is the free market at work.
- Do publicly shame them. Their actions are abhorrent, and they should be told as such.
- Don’t be fooled by names like Alt-right. They’re all the same thing: Racist Nazi assholes. The ONLY thing that separates 2017 Nazis from 1920 Nazis is that 2017 Nazis are not as productive, they use more hair gel, and most of their propaganda takes place in the “comments” section of news websites.
- Do watch the Rocketeer

Seriously though, The Rocketeer is a really good film.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Things I Hate: Updated

Things I Hate.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything mean, so I thought I’d do a quick recap of everything I hate. They are in no particular order, so if you end up thinking you might be on the list, just assume that you are, and that I hate you the most.

  1. The word wanderlust ie. “I consider myself a wanderlust”.
  2. Ragnar (or any relay event where you just run behind a car for small amounts of time).
  3. Whole Tomatoes, possibly down to slices of tomatoes. Chunks in salsa are fine.
  4. Corn. Not Popcorn. Especially poopcorn.
  5. Excessive #hashtagging.
  6. Hashtag Activism ie, Kony 2012.
  7. All Kevins.
  8. Five finger shoes.
  9. Donald Trump.
  10. Selfie Sticks.
  11. Selfies.
  12. Myself when I take selfies.
  13. The word creative. ie. “I consider myself a creative”.
  14. All devon supertramp videos. ALL of them.
  15. The question “working hard, or hardly working?”.
  16. Swimming.
  17. Ugly babies.
  18. Instagram “ambassadors”.
  19. Reggae.
  20. Racists.
  21. People who complain about excessive tick marks.
  22. Boulder, CO. Not the town itself, just everyone in it.
  23. People telling me what to do.
  24. High pitched voices.
  25. The smell of marijuana.
  26. Kids who cheat at board games.
  27. Kids in general.
  28. The south.
  29. Anything to do with standup paddle boarding.
  30. Pretentious Vegans.
  31. The acronym bae.
  32. Anything Michael bay has ever put his cocaine covered fingers on.
  33. The phrase “Alls I’m saying”.
  34. The concept of freedom fries.
  35. Mismatched socks.
  36. Bike thieves.
  37. Running at noon.
  38. Misusing "they're, their, and there".
  39. Accidentally getting poop on your hands.
  40. Mayonnaise.
  41. Bark beetles
  42. The television show “how I met your mother”
  43. Laugh tracks. Because if I think it’s funny, I’ll laugh.
  44. Netflix shows with Adam Sandler and cast.

I think that’s mostly it. Let me know if you think I've missed anything.