Friday, August 21, 2009

91 Octane Fuel for the Economy

Like our famous celebrity dictator Barrack Obama, and our former leader Dick Cheney, I tried to make the world a better place, or in Dick's case, i tried to shoot my friend in the face while quail hunting. Just kidding, i didn't go hunting. Today, i did my part to boost the world economy, provide jobs for the jobless, and miraculously bring the Chinese one step closer to their ultimate goal of having the Yuan be the world currency (which we can save for another discussion). While purchasing some brake pads for my moto, i tacked on a couple other doodads that were not necessarily necessary, but mandatory in order to make my bike look cooler.

Regardless of what it is I purchased, I'd just like to discuss the act of impulse buying. I have suffered from it, and i know many people who currently suffer from this "affliction of the mind", but is it a bad thing? I think during this economic crisis, obviously caused by our current president who had this planned years ago and started initiating the steps necessary for such a crisis long before he had any political clout, we should embrace the act. Why not? We all have tons of money, and it's easily justifiable if we think in terms of helping the economy. HA! just kidding, but seriously though, i think if people have the money, they aren't hurting anyone by buying a skid plate for their motorcycle. The real problem begins when people impulse buy with money they don't currently have in their possession.

This brings me to my conclusion that the act of impulse buying, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. Although, when you factor in whether or not the person has the money to back it up or if they do it more than once a month (which is the limit for acceptable impulse purchasing i just created), you start to enter into grey areas. There are obviously other factors that affect whether or not the impulse buy is acceptable: price, function, coolness, need, number of wheels (anything with 3 is a bad buy), etc..., but these factors aren't as important as the initial two.

Bottom line: Build a house in the white area, dabble in the grey area, and leave the black area for your friends to hang out in.

This post is dedicated to those that have no control over their purchasing power. We salute you.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Something clever, this way comes.

Here are a couple things i appreciate. And by a couple, i mean 3.
#1 - irony, especially when it benefits me (such as for entertainment, or in the monetary cents [pun]). For instance, if i see something ironic, i would probably find it entertaining. This is probably straight forward as to why it's beneficial for me. I guess i could get into how laughing (inside or out), makes you healthier, but i won't. On a similar note, I will be discussing a theory i've come up with called "The Funny Theory". Basically, it's more of a guideline as to how you should deside if something is funny. Anyway, i appreicate irony in the monetary cents because i would gain money. This one is also straight forward, as gaining money, in general, is a good thing. Confused yet? so am i.
#2 - my ability to not care that i'm very white. I was standing next to my brother yesterday. We were both mostly naked and it occurred to me that he was not only more muscular than me, but also much more tan. I cried a little inside knowing that i could never beat him in an indian leg wrestling competition, but i was also glad that i wasn't tan. I feel like ivory skin might be making a come back and i'm excited to lead the way. PS, red heads with ivory skin don't count. For them, it's not so much a choice as it is a condition.
#3 - not capitalizing the single letter "i", except when it starts a sentence. I think it just looks better and i also just added this last part so i could write a few more singular i's.

Anyway, those are 3 things that i appreciate, now to my theory of funny. It goes something like this. If i see something that i would laugh at if it happened to my arch nemesis (kevin), then it's funny, even if it happens to me. I still have to laugh at it, because i would have laughed at it, had it happened to my nemisis. For instance. My arch nemsis falls into a sewer, and i laugh. If i fall into a sewer, i can't be mad because i would have laughed had it been my nemesis. Here's another one. My arch nemesis has his identity stolen. I don't laugh. Therefore if i get my identity stolen, it's not funny. I'm currently in the process of writing a paper on the funny theory and would like to get feedback. Thanks.