Friday, December 25, 2009

Things that. . . . .

I Love: Ice Cream, asparagus, rubik's cubes, family, warmth, puzzles, climbing, mostly ice cream.

I'm Sick of
: Merry Chirstmas, Happy Holidays, who gives an eff? People get offended if you say merry christmas because they don't celebrate christmas and people get offended if you say happy holidays because they think it takes Christ out of christmas. Holiday. HOLY DAY! Get it. It's a holy day. People are just so sensitive and they take it as a personal attack. Yeah, merry christmas. I'm trying to offend you. It's quite similar to the 10 commandments on court property, or a cross out in the middle of nowhere that people demand be taken down (true story). Anybody who says it's similar to putting a swastika on your lawn is an idiot. Jesus and hitler are two different things.

I'm Still Sick of: Two party systems. It's a great way to divide the United States basically down the middle pitting one side against the other, making people hate. It's weird that there are only two sides. I know there are more, duh, but i'm talking large parties. I love that if you don't believe in either, you're un-american. Why can't i pick and choose based on my beliefs. I love cutting down trees, shooting guns, and generally think recycling is dumb, but i don't believe in other right wing ideas. I also have a strong belief in health care not being treated as a business, and equality, but i don't believe in other left wing ideas. (incoming sarcasm) I'm sure that one party has all the right answers and everyone else are idiots. Yeah, get real. Personally, i feel like they're all idiots, but that's just me.

Make Me Laugh: Uhhhhh, let's see. Jokes, for one. Getting tickled, funny movies, and irony also do the trick. hmmm. That's about it.

Make Me Cry: I cry easy so this list is long, but i'll condense it. Sad movies, sad commercials, touching commercials, getting sucker punched in the nose, and choking on cough drops are all things that make me cry. When i say cry, i don't mean bawl, i mean tear up.

Make Me Vomit: Tomatoes, corn, my finger down my throat, seeing other people throw up, getting thrown up on in my sleep, chad and kat being lovey dovey (this last one has nothing to do with me not having anyone to be lovey dovey with. It has everything to do with them talking in baby voices to one another).

Make Me Cold: Temperatures below 50 degrees F and also popcicles.

more to come. . . . . maybe. It all depends on how well this one is received.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Beauty is in the "eye of the beholder"? False.

New born babies are ugly. Fact.

They look like little aliens with weird cone shaped heads. They're covered in vernix and lenugo (see below for definitions) which doesn't help their case, and they come out screaming and crying. Granted, i'd do the same if i was stuck in a womb for 9 months, but still. You just gained your freedom. What are you crying about?. I understand that some mothers are thinking "matt, you've gone too far by disrespecting my child". Well, i only speak the truth, and that truth is that you mothers are probably jaded by your motherly love (which is generally a good thing). You look at your child and see this beautiful baby that you brought into the world, while everyone else is who is looking at your child sees a small alien that you've been harboring for the last 9 months and just jettisoned from your body.

Let me clarify. Babies are cute. New born babies are ugly. Am i the only one that thinks this? Probably. Does my opinion matter? No (it does, but for arguments sake, i'm going with no).

Descriptions courtesy of
Vernix: "When your precious 'baby' is born, don't be surprised to see him or her covered in what looks like a white, waxy cheese. This creamy stuff is called vernix caseosa, Latin for 'varnish' and 'cheese,' and acts like a waterproof barrier on your baby's skin, protecting it from the drying effects of months of submersion in amniotic fluid. In addition, scientists now believe that it may also have antibacterial and cleansing properties"
Lenugo: "A fine, downy layer of hair that covers your baby's body while he or she is in the womb. It helps to hold the vernix in place to ensure your baby's delicate skin doesn't become chapped by the long immersion in amniotic fluid. It first appears at about five months and for the most part falls off just before birth; however, many babies still have some lanugo at birth."

That's quite the trade off. Yes, it might be antibacterial, but it makes you look like you're covered in varnish and wax and is described as a 'waxy cheese'. If i were a baby. I'd opt out. It only hurts their case. And don't get me started about being covered in albino hair. ug. all i know is that if i was covered in albino hair, i wouldn't have near as many friends as i do, which is already sparse, so i'd be in big trouble. Anyway. Just something that was on my mind.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Nike Fitness?

I was walking through a Nike store in San Fransisco, which i normally don't do, and i noticed something strange/ironic. There were no stairs, only escalators. it must be that they're scrunched for space, because you'd think that a company that bases its image on fitness would make their store appear the same. I just thought it was interesting.