Saturday, January 30, 2010

A Freezing Winter Wonderland

This weekend, A few of us attempted to go and dominate the Fossil Mountain Ice Caves, and we would have, except when we got there and started through, we were greeted by a solid wall of ice, which under normal circumstances would have been no problem, but i didn't want to show everyone my laser eyes. Just kidding, they're actually laser nipples. . . . . . . . . . . . Anyway. . . . . . Time for something negative.

It was cold. Real cold.

Other than the cold, it was good. We left early friday and snowmobiled to the trailhead (thanks chad's dad). From there, we donned snow shoes and hiked up to the caves. It was definitely
slow going, and took a while (less time than last year) but we still made good time. We played around on the frozen waterfall for a bit, then headed up to the cave to set some ropes for the next day. That's when we encountered the ice wall. HADES!!!! Nature - 1, Humans - 0. Oh well, after crawling around for ten minutes, my body hurt, so i'm kinda glad we didn't get to go. It would have been about 6 hours of misery. I mean, i would have done it, i just would have been miserable, which sounds like a good name for my blog (Matt's Blog of Misery).

We went to bed early and woke up the next morning. We contemplated just hiking out, but decided to just go hike further up the canyon. I'm glad we did this because it was a lot of fun. Avalanche danger was high, so we tried to be as careful as possible. That's why we hiked up this really steep hill. Ha! We were initially following the cliff line looking for the entrance to the cave (we went in the exit the day before, just to make sure things weren't frozen) which we didn't find, then we were looking to go into this upper bowl, which we didn't do. Traversing up near the cliff band was incredibly difficult, so we decided to just bail and get a hamburger in driggs. It was good. I'll post one more for good measure.

Feel free to look at some better quality photos on my Flickr page. Click here for said page. Also, my facebook has more photos. The quality isn't very good, but there are more. Hmmmmmmmm. This blog isn't near negative enough. Wanna know why we're in an economic downturn? Because women base actions on emotion, while men base decision on fact. FACT.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Past Adventures: An Excerpt From Cambodia

Due in part, to popular demand, i'm going to reminisce about some past adventures i've had. I know what you all are thinking, and you would be correct. There really is no way i can write down all the adventures i've had. I mean, physically, i could. Actually, it'd be pretty easy, but i'd be way too embarrassed. Most of them deal with either pooping myself, or wet dreams, so you can probably imagine. . . . . . . . . go ahead. go for it. if you're not imagining it now, then you definitely are now.
Anyway, the photo above is of the sketchiest place on the planet, Phnom Penh. In all my travels, i'
ve never been really scared, except for this place. I don't know why, but i was. Maybe, it was going to visit places like the Killing Fields that did it. Cambodia has quite a horrible past, and it's all been pretty recent. Super interesting. This is from my hostel, looking down on the street. It's hustle and bustle all night long. It's awesome, unless you like to sleep at night, then it's just annoying.

Phnom Penh is also one of the saddest places i've ever been. It's poverty stricken population isn't shunned away in projects of any kind. They're everywhere. At least they were everywhere i went. Children begging on every corner.
Amputees riding on homemade wheelchairs, asking for money or food. It's pretty h
eartbreaking. . . . at first. I'm going to go ahead and be honest and frank with you here, and you're probably not going to like it, nor will you be able to understand unless you've been to a foreign country. After a while, it's really really annoying. Yes, i know, i'm terrible for saying that, but it really wears on you. It's like, get a job. So what if you're a child, go get a paper route. That's what i did. What's that? oh, you don't have paper routes? your parents are drug addicts? oh. . . . . . . nevermind.

Well, enough of that. I have so many photos, but i'm just going to post one more. One word. Ants.
That's right folks, these small insects, that usually live in a complex social colony, with one or more breeding queens, were crawling up this cable. Amazing, huh? Whoever thought ants would be capable of such a feat? I"ll tell you who. 1st graders. 1st graders would fully expect ants to be able to crawl up that. To be honest, they'd probably expect much more, like laser beams or something. I'm just saying. If you didn't expect ants to be capable of this, you're a real big idiot. Just to be frank.

Alright, i'll leave you with one more parting shot. XOXO, Matt.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A Wee Little Bed

Some of you might think that the title will allude to my bed wetting skills, but no, it hasn't happened since china (i don't want to talk about it). The title is actually referring to a bed that i was recently given (thanks hairy).

Matt, who cares if you have a bed? Nobody probably, but since i've been without one for quite some time, spending many restless nights sleeping on the floor, i thought it was worth mentioning.

To be honest, i slept great on the floor. Not at first, but eventually, i slept just as good as i would on a bed. The only reason i got one is so i can put stuff underneath it (gun, lights, bodies, etc...).

Matt, why did you not have a bed? Good question, matt. I didn't have a bed for a long time because i gave my bed/the rest of my acquired furniture away a while ago to help a friend out/future planning. Unfortunately, my future plans didn't include me sleeping on a bed, so i went without.

During the summer, i slept on couch cushions. Every night i would take the cushions off the couch. Every morning i would put the couch cushions back. Luckily i didn't have to do it too often since i worked quite a bit. I guess i when i was working, i slept on the ground, so the couch cushions were quite a treat. On special occasions, hairy, would be gone and i could sleep in his bed, but usually, it was all couch cushions.

I just realized that as a 25 year old male, trying to contribute to society, i shouldn't be sleeping on couch cushions or the floor. Yeah for me, i'm moving up.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Order in the Universe

I'm going to try to make this negative, even though it's not really a negative topic.

Rules of Blogging:

1. The first rule of blogging is never talk about blogging. Unfortunately, I break this rule almost everyday trying to get people to read my blog. I'm not too bad at it though. It seems like some pathetic self promoters can't seem to shut up about it.
2. Watch your language. especially if your mother reads your blog, which actually leads into rule number. . . .
3. Never let your mother read your blog. By allowing her to read your blog, you open yourself up to questions that you might not want to answer, such as "what does wtf stand for?". It stand for "what the french, mom. what the french". But remember, if she's already reading it, don't block her, just be conscious that the woman who gave birth to you is always watching.
4. Understand that most likely nobody reads your blog, unless you're my sister. This is one of the first things i think of before i write. I do this because i mostly just write to make myself laugh, and since i'm a really good judge of what's funny, i feel confident that i can make the unsuspecting interneter who stumbles upon my blog laugh as well. . . . or not.
5. Don't blog everyday. Personally, i don't see how anyone can blog everyday. They must either have a lot to say, or have many interesting things happen to them. Ok, i guess if you have many different interesting things happen to you, that's fine, but for the most part, people need to take a couple days in between posts to recharge, otherwise they end up talking about things that don't matter, like what they had for dinner, what color their stool was, how their wedding was, how many times a day they said the word 'shazam', etc....
6. Offending people is your responsibility. I make an earnest effort to offend at least one person on my blog each time. Whether i'm specifically naming that person, or just hinting, i generally have someone in mind. If you're reading this and you have a blog, you might be thinking "is he talking about me?". The answer. Probably yes.
7. Never be the first person to post a comment on your own blog. it's sad, and i've most likely done it. crap, this is depressing. Ok, there are some exceptions to the rule. obviously if you have some clarification you need to attend to, then that's fine, but if it's really that much, you should just edit your post and then repost it.
8. Try and use correct grammar. yes, i know, i don't start my sentences in capitals and i don't capitalize my "i's", but it's not that i don't know any better, i just think little "i's" look better than bigger was. Regardless, try not to use "uraqt", if you're trying to say "you're a cutie". This isn't texting. you have a full keyboard at your disposal. I realize that i'm opening myself up for criticism, since i'm sure i've used improper grammar somewhere in this blog.
9. By blogging, you are unintentionally (or intentionally) telling people you are narcissistic. It's not a bad thing, just know that's the message you're sending.

If you're reading this and you haven't been offended or left feeling somewhat depressed/negative, i leave you with these words or wisdom. Give up.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Upholding the Art of Negativity

So, to christen the new blog of negativity, i've decided to post a negative video. Let's be honest, what word comes to mind when you think negative? hitler? no. stalin? no. obama? kind of. genetically modified corn? no. EXPLOSIONS? yes.

click here for an extremely negative video of explosions.

ps, i understand the last post was negative, but it was more fake negativity. this one is real.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Do you know who you look like?

Is this a compliment? I guess it might depend on who they say.

For me, i've never understood people's obsession of telling you who you look like. Usually it's someone famous, like it's a compliment or something. Because they're famous and you look like them, you should be flattered. What the french! Why do i care if i look like eddy murphey (just an fyi, i've never been compared to him)?

It's actually more of an insult. I don't look like them. They look like me. Maybe i'm just being vain and negative (which is the new focus of this blog), or maybe i just have a bad attitude. Either way, it's dumb.

Speaking of negative things, i'm really looking forward to Presidents Day. . . not. What a dumb holiday. It's about as useful as an opaque lamp shade, which in case you're wondering, is not very useful.

Oh, one more negative thing. Kim Jong Il. What a douche.

New Years Resolutions?

This year, i resolve to be a better person. I also resolve to blllllllaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. I hate new years resolutions. Why can't you just do it on your own. While we're at it, let's be honest. You're probably not going to do it anyway. Just skip the middle man and label them New Years Resolutions I Will Most Likely Not Do.

New Years Resolutions I Will Most Likely Not Do:

1 - Be on the moon. Since this is obviously a big one, i'm going to say that i'll do this towards the end of the year in hopes that you'll forget that i vowed to do it.
2 - Have a child out of wedlock. I'm actually going to call irony on this one, not that i'm having a kid but the fact that if it happened (i don't see why it would), it would be very ironic that i wrote this as a fake resolution. . . . . . I'm thinking about deleting this fake resolution, but probably won't. I didn't.
3 - Learn how to use mind control against my foes/coworkers. This is pretty obvious why it'd be nice.
4 - Learn how to ride a monocycle. ug. they're so dumb.
5 - Wake up in a foreign country not knowing how i got there.
6 - capitalize words that i should capitalize.
7 - Throw up violently 27 times.
8 - Become a turtle.

These are all things that i plan on most likely not doing.