Thursday, April 29, 2010

7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People

After seeing the title to this old "classic", i realized that, for one reason or another, the average american probably won't ever read it. I am average. To make things easier on the general population, I've come up with 7 habits of highly ineffective people. Instead of telling people how to be successful, which seems like a really difficult thing to do, i'm going to give 7 tips on how to be unsuccessful. So as long as you avoid these things, you will not be unsuccessful*.

1. Not eating Wranglers - A little known fact that few people know is that the majority of unsuccessful people don't eat wranglers (a really good hotdog).
2. Staring - 90% of unsuccessful people stare. Fact.
3. Excessive Blinking - This is somewhat similar to staring, in the sense that it's annoying.
4. Jumping Rope - In a scientific study, kids ages 3-10 who jump rope, are more likely to be unsuccessful than those that do not jump rope.
5. Not Working - In an identical study to the rope jumping, The average American that does not work, is less successful than the unaverage American that works. . . . . unless you count those on unemployment. SHAZAAAAM!
6. Myspacing - Besides the creator of Myspace, people that have a myspace account are statistically less successful than those with a facebook account. This may or may not be influenced by the age variable.
7. Low Riding (next blog topic) - The easiest way to not be successful is to low ride your pants. Not only does it inhibit your physical prowess, but it is functionally the worst fashion idea on the planet. A distant second is high heels, followed closely by bling.

*Disclaimer - There is a high possibility you will be unsuccessful even if you avoid these things.

Ok, so i've had some complaints and i guess i forgot to iterate that I'm basically using ineffective and unsuccessful as synonyms, despite them not being synonyms. Come on. They're basically the same thing. Get over it.


MindySue said...

don't forget playing any of the games associated with facebook - farmville, mafia wars, zooworld, etc. All of them will suck your life away and make you VERY ineffective.

EyesofAtlantic said...

Um you crack me up...although there are several women who are successful and I believe almost all wear or at least own heels

MindySue said...

PS. I've read it. It's a good book.

Aricka said...

High heels and bling? What about all the actors and actresses that are very successful and sporting bling and high heels? I do agree that a person blinking excessively does make you want to punch them in the face.

Jake said...

How is it that I'm reading your blog on Thursday April 29 and the date on the top reads April 30. Matt, have you found a way to the future. You must be very unsuccessful living in the future, you still don't know what's going to happen, you need to live in the past, then you'll be successful cause you'll be the creator of MySpace

Lara said...

Ha! Too funny!