Sunday, April 4, 2010

I Would Rather Freeze to Death

Since my last post had such an impact on the planet, i decided to manufacture a similar post in hopes that my readers would be entertained. This post, however, might get some criticism, especially from the ladies' camp, since most women are a) irritable, and b) cold.

That's right, we're going to hold a one-chaired round table discussion on what Satan has deemed his second greatest invention (first one is the rolling backpack), AKA, the snuggie, AKA, dumb. Way to go snuggie!

The snuggie (i'm not capitalizing it. . . . ever) is easily one of the dumber things i've seen in life. The whole premise behind the snuggie is that you want to remain functional while still enjoying the creature comforts of a blanket. You want to be able to use your hands in order to talk on a phone, make bread, or strangle someone (side note, perfect for strangling), and apparently you can't do that if you're in a blanket.

Warning: Incoming Sarcasm
It's 99.3% impossible to use your hands when you're wearing a regular blanket. FACT. Just to make sure, i tested it earlier today and nearly died when i became entrapped and couldn't get out. I was completely incapacitated. Luckily, my roommates came home and found me wrapped up on the couch staring at the tv. I had a whole bowl of uneaten potato chips, an uneaten burrito and 4 missed calls on my phone which was sitting right next to me. If they hadn't come home, i would still be watching The View, against my will. Seriously, against my will. WINK. Whoopi, you so crazy!

All jokes aside, this is probably a controversial topic because i know several people (one actually) who will remain anonymous (kat) who received one for christmas and i've heard he/she (she) enjoys it. ug. that makes me sick.

Women, i know you're cold ALL THE TIME, but seriously, you wear really uncomfortable clothes just because they look good. I thought you were all about sacrificing comfort for fashion. A blanket isn't even uncomfortable, unless it's made out of nails, and even then, it's really determined on how far apart each nail is. If you're really concerned about functionality, buy an effing robe. They're 10 times more functional, and exponentially less dumb.

Guys, i feel like i don't have to say anything to you because you already understand why people shouldn't use these things, although the photo below shows some grown men wearing them. Just understand that they're on TV, so they don't count as real men. That's right Luke Cudney, real men aren't on TV, or in movies. FACT.

Anyway, be sure to stare at the photo below and try to fully appreciate how idiotic those people look.

Editor's Note: We didn't even begin to touch on how dumb snuggies are. We could have easily started talking about snuggies used in public, unfortunately, i don't have the time (i do have the time), as it would take the good part of a week to fully comprehend the stupidity behind it.


Bloomability said...

if i remember right, i believe you used the snuggie when we went to the cabin over christmas. i could be wrong, but i'm pretty sure it happened. and just for the record i just got a snuggie and it might be one of my top 5 prized possessions. i'm being dead serious

MindySue said...

I have a snuggie too! Though i agree they should be for HOME USE ONLY. Anyone who wears a snuggie in public is just, well, bizarre or extremely self confident.

I do like how I can be covered by a blanket from chin to toes and still have my hands poking out and NO cold air getting in. I mainly use it for reading books. I agree that a blanket would be suitable for most things like movie watching, etc but I think it is ideal for reading.

Sorry Matt, I can't side with you there. Though I do think the commercials are insane. If you want to really go wild, google "snuggies for dogs".

Courtney said...

Oh come on Matt, don't you think Brent would look cute in a snuggie??

jkjk, I hate them too.

Kami Hardcastle said...

This is yet another very interesting topic Matt. Thank you for bringing it up.

I went to a movie the other day with my Mom and sister. When they BOTH showed up with oversized kitty cat/puppy blankies I didn't know what to do. At first I was embarrassed, but as the movie went on I discretely pulled the end of my Mom's blanket over me. It made for a comfort level the likes of which I had never known. I stayed warm and comfortable and was even able to unbutton my pants a little from too much popcorn. SO, is bringing a blanket to the movies okay? Not quite a snuggie right?
Also- on another note. When I was in Denmark most of the seating for restaurant's is outside. This was lovely, but cold. Each restaurant provided you with a blanket DURING DINNER!! I am a big fan.

James T. Franco said...

I think you need to check your facts buddy. Real men are SO in the movies - as demonstrated by me. Duh. I'm James star. And for the record, I love to wear my snuggie during late nights in my trailer.

Matthew said...

touché mr. franco. touché.

Mel said...

hmmm, someone has been watching too many infomercials lately.