Saturday, May 22, 2010

Allergies: Inconveniencing Those Without Allergies Since the Beginning of Time

Nothing is more annoying in life, then having to change your eating habits. Especially, when you're not the one with the problem. I'm talking about allergies. Obviously. It's in the title above. . . . Anyway, here is a list of new words i made up to help me out with this post:

Allerge - (v.) making someone change their eating habits because of ones selfish inability to choke down a peanut. Why does janice always allerge us? i wish she would just choke down that peanut and swell up because she's really making it inconvenient for us.

Allerger - (n.) guy/girl/ who allerges. No, don't invite William, he's an allerger.

Allergee - (n.) person who gets allerged. (note: the allergee is always the victim. always) Is Brad an Allergee? Sad.

PAA - (?) An acronym that stand for Post Allerged Anger. Often times used in courts as a defense for murdering an Allerger. The Allergee clearly suffered from PAA your honor, so obviously it wasn't his fault.

. . . . . . . . Anyway, what i don't get is how these people are even alive. I figured natural selection would have picked their kind off long ago, but for some reason, it hasn't. I think this probably has to do with the fact that most Allergers are stubborn people who probably gave natural selection the finger.

Not all Allergers are a pain in the butt. Some are good about it and keep it to themselves. That's good. I don't want to hear about it. Others, however, force their pain on everyone. This also happens A LOT with vegetarians. They force their vegetarianism on others and it makes me sick. For instance:

2 dudes, 1 vegetarian, 1 pizza. 2 dudes don't want veggie pizza, but 1 misguided fool vegetarian insists that part of it be a turd sandwich vegetarian. What do we do? The pizza people don't like to do thirds, so we're forced to make it half of a turd sandwich vegetarian. That doesn't seem fair. That's because it's not. Now, two normal dudes are basically forced to eat a turd sandwich that because of one selfish spawn of lucifer vegetarian. Hmmmm. sorry about that, i got carried away. Back to Allergers.

Basically, the Allergers themselves are fine, kind of, but when i have to change my diet because of them, i get really really mad (PAA).

Allergers, go ahead and eat your gross food, but don't force others into misery. Just go eat in a corner. Thanks. Oh, and you too, vegetarians. you suck.


Landon & Hailey said...

Your funny!

Clinton and Kaleena said...

love the definition set up. I actually spit all over Clinton & Kaleena's computer from laughing at the PAA definition.

Also, still Mindy.

Angelica Diablica said...

Actually, folks with allergies have better chances of survival than most other folks. There's a theory in the medical and scientific world that allergies are on the rise at this moment in time in adults because immune systems of healthy folks is 'looking for a fight' since they aren't having to fight all the bugs and virii that they normally would have historically... In other words your not being allergic is your own immune's system being behind the times as it's not as super powered as the folks with allergies... so go suck it. In a few centuries the children of folks will allergies will be the surviving race and all the rest of ya'll will be dead since your stupid immune systems didn't tell you to stop eating all that crap that is poisoning you daily right now.