So, even though i despise unicycles and think they're the #1 worst form of transportation, i still despise them less than fixies. What are fixies you ask? Well, the urban dictionary gave me this definition:
"Fixies - Fixed gear bicyclists", which, if you've ever read anything in the urban dictionary, is severely disappointing. I was expecting something a little more. . . abrupt, such as:
"Fixies - the worlds second most stupid form of transportation. Most often ridden by pretentious hipsters who, along with all the other hipsters, put on a facade of nonconformity. Not only that, but [the hipsters] are dumb. Very very dumb. I mean, don't get me wrong. They are probably book smart, but in general, they're really very dumb at life.
Wikipedia has a "better" definition, but it's kind of long and not very colorful, so if you really are a nerd and want to look it up. feel free. Fixie. Nerd. But i digress. Fixies. Terrible little contraptions. If you didn't look it up, basically, it's a devolved bicycle. That's right. devolved.
At some point, some moron thought that it would be cool to stop the evolution of the bicycle and go back a little bit. "Simplify" it. Not to the bicycles with the giant front wheel, but just a little bit after that. There are no brakes. If you want to stop, you have to crash. At first you think, that sounds dumb, and you would be right, it's dumb. Also, the handlebars have become smaller. Not functionally smaller like you're thinking, but non-functionally smaller. Almost to the point of nonexistent. Think of holding on to a couple AA batteries.
Anyway, if you're thinking about dabbling with fixies, save yourself some time and just wreck on a cooler bike. If, after that, you still feel like getting on one, but don't want to spend the money, just go to a "local" coffee shop. There are probably tons outside. take one. it's on me.