I would like to personally thank the vegetarians‡ and the other people who started the "green" revolution. You've ruined my life. Thanks.
Back before this ridiculous trend, i used to be happy (debatable). I used to drive my car around, double bag my groceries, and burn drums of oil in my backyard. Now, all of those things have suddenly become taboo. If i try to double bag my groceries, the vegetarians look at me like i just
slayed slew slain slewed murdered a tribe of cows. Get over it. I really don't want my bottles to fall out. I care about my things. As i race by all those pretentious prius owners, they accuse me of killing mother earth. Get over it. I personally like to be able to put more than 3 bodies and a backpack in my vehicle.
You might think that i'm not a friend to the environment, but you'd be wrong. I'm all about cutting up the plastic things from six-packs before i throw them in the river, just so they don't miraculously wrap themselves around the ducks and strangle them. You'd be rude not to. But we have to make a stand. And this is where i stand.
I won't allow Sun Chips to create the noisiest, most inconvenient bag on the planet, just so the "green" people can put them in their compost pilesˆ. Have any of you tried to actually have a conversation while touching a Sun Chips bag? You can't. It's impossible. The slightest touch emits the loudest noise imaginable. The touch to noise ratio is off the charts. I generally plan my conversations around eating Sun Chips just because of how loud the bag is.
I guess what i'm getting it is that i just wish the vegetarians/"green" people would crawl back to the tofu roll they came from and let me eat my Sun Chips out of a normal bag. Is that too much to ask? In case you can't figure it out for yourself, no, it's not too much to ask.
°I'm not going to specifically blame vegetarian/"green" people for causing the gas prices to go up, but there is a severely strong correlation between the "green" revolution and gas prices going up. So severe that i'm going to go ahead and blame vegetarian/"green" people for making the gas prices go up. Thanks a lot a-holes, you've ruined America.
‡I lumped vegetarians and "green" people together because statistically, they are usually the same people. I feel they are synonyms for each other and i use them as such.
ˆ[i won't allow Sun Chips to create the noisiest, most inconvenient bag on the planet] = i'm really annoyed by it, but they're really good so i'll continue to purchase them even though the bag bugs me.