Sunday, May 23, 2010

Under Armour: Equations for Life

Ok, keep in mind that this is coming from a guy who thinks that dressing up includes donning some awesome gold converse(Las Vegas, NV, Converse Outlet; forgot my shoes special. . . $20), a vampire tuxedo t-shirt (Price, UT, Walmart; Halloween special. . . Awesome) and no pants, but i feel like i have enough fashion common sense to know a dumb idea when i see it. Enter under armour.

under armour, in theory, is a good idea. Create a lightweight breathable shirt that allows the body to wick away moisture, or keep the body warm, depending on the style you choose. It comes in many different styles, colors, and sizes to allow any average matt to be comfortable in an athletic environment. Fantastic. Sign me up for 10. Hold the phone. Before you go out and purchase said shirts, be aware of some equations that will help you decide if you really want to buy one. My math is a little rusty, but i ran these several times and they all seemed to work out.

1. under armour + d + bag - regular shirt = muscle beach (in case you're wondering, muscle beach is a bad thing)
1a. muscle beach ≈ jersey shore
2. under armour + shirt over top + working out ≠ d+bag+muscle beach+hair gel
3. under armour + shirt + necessity = guy/girl/vegetarian who genuinely needs an under armour shirt
4. under armour + dog = underdog armour = next disney musical featuring airbud
5. under armour - armour = preposition meaning extending or directly below
6. under armour - under = british spelling of armor
6a. british = wrong
7. under armour - un - r - ar - ur = demo = a demonstration of the capabilities of something, typically computer software or a musical group.

So, if you gather anything from this quick little math session on life, remember that under armour is typically reserved for software and musical groups. think glee.

If that's too confusing, i'll break it up for you: Under = Under something. Try it.


Clinton and Kaleena said...

I might just be tired. But I only understood the last two sentences of that. I never was very good at math. (That's not true, I was totally good at math...unless you count calculus...which I don't think you should)

Clinton and Kaleena said...

Um...this is Mindy. Not Clinton & Kaleena.

Jordyn Parry said...

I think I would rather see someone at the gym wearing under armour than those nasty wife beater tank tops where the arm holes stretch down to their knees... But other than that I agree.