Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Things That Ruin My Day: Is There Method To My Madness? No.

You all might be thinking that my day gets ruined quite easily since i'm in a bad mood all the time, and you would be right. I am a habitually bad mooded person, and frankly, i feel there is nothing wrong with it. Have you been outside recently or watched glen beck? The world is filled with really really stupid things that are annoying and it seems that i'll never get a vacation from any of them. Here is a short list of things that ruin have ruined will ruin ruined willem ruineded haved ruineed rooened my day suck and reasons why. For those of you planning on using this list to ruin my day, go suck eggs. Ostrich eggs. Rotten ostrich eggs.

Also, this list is in no particular order.

1. Prius with "Obama/Biden '08" sticker: I was driving today and saw one of these idiotic cars with that idiotic sticker and remembered why i don't keep my Mossberg 590a1 9 shot in my car anymore. I was half tempted to drop kick those people all the way to china. Just kidding. . . Kind of. I definitely muttered under my breath how they chose a poor color.

2. 3D movies: Aside from Avatar, no movie should be made in 3d. Movies are becoming more about popping a baseball, dragon, or bloody pick ax at you, then actual acting and actual cinematography. Spend a little less on CGI, and a little more on Val Kilmer and see what you get. P.S. Does anyone else think he should be batman again? Christian Bale's voice is getting old.

3. Sex in the City 2: Ladies (the ladies in the movie, not in real life), you're old. Buy some cats and start smelling like cheese because you're going to end up alone anyway. I don't actually believe that you were in Abu Dhabi. Women go to jail there for dressing like you. Way to set an example. Accept that your lives probably aren't going to be fabulous for very long and go away.

4. Crying Babies: We had an incident at a vietnamese restaurant the other day where my buddy tried to take a crying baby and put it outside. Needless to say, it didn't go over well with the parents. In order to forgo the awkward wrestling match, parents, please don't bring your babies to restaurants when you have the faintest hint that they'll cry, which is probably always. I guess what i'm saying is leave the babies in a crib. They're not going run off so you should be fine for a couple days hours.

5. Shape Up Shoes/Any Lazy Exercise Device Including Those Electric Ab Things: If you're really that lazy, wearing a specific shoe isn't going to help you lose weight. Get off your butt and go do something other than walk to your fridge. And if you're one of those people that owns one of those electric ab things, words cannot express the bad taste i have in my mouth just thinking about you. Keep at it, i'm sure it'll work out for you.

6. The Pretentious Employees at the Apple Store: Whenever I go in there to buy things for my macbook, i instantly have a frown on my face. As i look around the store at the those hair loving, skinny jean wearing, chain smoking hipsters, my frown becomes more pronounced and i quickly leave before my face turns in to a black hole of despair. I've never purchased anything there for that specific reason.

Obviously, this list is only a fraction of what is bad in this world. I'll end with a paragraph of things that, for one reason or another, didn't make the cut, but are equally as dumb.

Diamond Rings. Bono. Blood Doping. Freedom. Low Riding. Escalators. AIDS. Steve Wilkos. The Beatles. Corn. Dogs in Purses. Reality TV. Font Critics. Carpet in Bathrooms. Tyler Perry. Big Houses. Textbooks. Colds. Jared. Democracy. Sleeping Without Pillows. Fiction Books. Baseless "Facts". Puffy Vests. Lil John. . . . . .That's probably a good one to end on.


Anonymous said...

what the *&%!#. Corn isn't Dumb

Matthew said...

corn is definitely dumb.

Demothi said...

Mostly, I just hate the people that suddenly switch sides when a celebrity dies. What's up with that, anyway?


diane said...

I read the last paragraph a little fast and thought you put corn dogs which would have ruined my day. Good thing you didn't.

MindySue said...

1. Agreed. I like how you just slipped in the little comment about your sweet gun, however, if you had it wouldn't you be tempted to brandish it (or worse) instead of drop kicking someone.

2) Shut up. You liked the Dragon movie and I think it would have been fun in 3-D. It also looked great w/o the 3D too. I wish I'd seen Avatar in 3D IMAX. That would have been awesome.

3) Also agreed. It's time to hang up their Jimmy Choos.

4) You are a moron. You are SOOOO going to have a baby with colic. I want to hit you with a carseat or something.

5) Agreed. They look dumb.

6) I've never been to the apple store so I can't really give an opinion here.

Wait a minute...freedom is dumb?!
Explain yourself.

Anonymous said...