Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Trifecta of Idiocy: A Lil' Jon Story

Is it just me, or is there an overabundance of rappers that start their "name" with the word "lil"? If you're curious, there are about 30, which is about 30 too many.

At first i was annoyed by this, naturally, then i was still annoyed by it. After a while though, i was still annoyed by it. I find it weird that rappers, who kill people for a living, would make their hardcore name be a shortened version of Lillian. Lillian Jon? That doesn't really strike fear into my heart. It actually makes me think more along the lines of a folk trio, which really isn't any better since folk trios give me diarrhea. TMI matt, T. M. I.

But seriously though, I guess it kind of makes sense. If i was a rapper and was really embarrassed that my name was Lillian, i would also shorten it so people would think it was a shortened version of Little. Although Little isn't that much better, considering in most cultures, being small means being eaten first.

Not all "lil's" are bad, though. Lil' Wayne does a lot of volunteer work at animal shelters, and Lil' Boosie likes to collect toys for orphans. Despite the good image that most of the "lil's" have, it only takes one "lil" to take that image, eat it, digest it, defecate said image into a toilet and flush said image down the pipes. One crappily(pun, SHAZAAM!!!!) named rapper/producer in particular, took it upon himself to ruin all the other "lil's". I'm talking about Lil' Jon.

Lil' Jon, or Lillian I. Jonathan for long, took the three most commonly used words in the world, "yeah", "ok", and "what?!?", and butchered them. I'm not talking butchered in the sense that he cut up the words and rendered them unusable. I'm talking butchered in the sense that he full on peeled the words' skin off and wore it around for a while before hanging it in the closet to dry. I hope that established my feelings on that.

The thing that baffles me the most is how someone, who obviously isn't musically talented, can compete in a business that deals solely with music. I guess i jumped the gun and forgot to mention that i'm using the word music very loosely. Lil' Jon isn't all bad. He is an inspiration to all those who were born without the gift of intelligence and music, and for that i salute him.

Wait for it. . . . . . . Do you feel it? It's a life changing idea coming and i don't think i'll be able to put it off any longer. . . . . . . . Ok, Not only am i going to salute Little Jon, but i've decided to produce low quality rap as a second job. PEACE!!!!!

Lil' Irving


MindySue said...

Awesome! Though I think you should shorten it to Lil' Irv. I think that has a nicer ring to it.

What on earth did Lil Jon do to "yeah" "okay" and "what". I must have missed that.


Anonymous said...

Have you hear "lil" Rocco's latest rap?

Courtney said...

Haha. I pretty much couldn't care less about all things having to do with rap, but after reading your post I came across this post about "the decline of civilization" and I think you might be able to appreciate it: