Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Engagement Rings: Dumb.

Despite actually being an expert on the topic, i must say that i chose to write about this because 3 of my good friends are thinking about getting married. I'm not here to try and dissuade them. Nay. Being married would be awesome. I was almost married once. I'm actually writing this to try and convince people that engagement rings are a stupid idea. i feel so strongly that i'm going to write that sentence once more and put it in bold and italics. I'm actually writing this to try and convince people that engagement rings are a stupid idea. I guess not engagement rings per se, but what they've become in todays society.

Warning: My feelings about engagement rings may or may not have led to the unengaged circumstance that i'm in now, so if you really want to get married, maybe stop reading or at least read with a closed mind. Or don't. i don't care.

Anyway. Engagement rings. What have they become? They've become a tool of sorts. A tool, used by women, to set the standard for the future. The standard of "your money is now mine, so you might as well spend it on me". Hence the reason for buying large expensive rings. Barf.

They no longer mean commitment. If they really meant commitment, you should be able to purchase, or steal, or make any sort of object and declare it to stand for commitment, but now most women want a "rock". An effing rock that comes out of the ground. If i were a shallow woman, i'd at least want something that hardly anyone else has, like a moon rock or a poisonous serpent, or something along those lines.

What goes on in a woman's smaller (FACT) brain that she thinks that spending an entire paycheck (isn't that the standard) on a ring that she will probably lose is a good idea? What goes on? I don't know. I don't read minds. I'm pretty sure it's about control.

This is where i climb upon the tower and shout to the masses - "Abandon your foolish ways. The time has come where man should stand up for what is right. Resist the woman that demands such frivolity. Send a message to the ladies that we will no longer buy dumb things like engagement rings, and tall t's, and slim t's, and rolling backpacks, and corn, and snuggies, and we will spend the money on things that are necessary, like food, and shelter, and climbing shoes, and possibly new skis." I imagine that after i've finished shouting to the masses that i get booed off, and maybe stoned (literally have rocks thrown at me. idiot.). Anyway. I don't know. I don't really know the demographic i was yelling at. it was all imaginary anyway.

So after all that, the bottom line i arrive at is this: It seems logical that the money could be put to something else that is actually more beneficial for the relationship, but i guess that's where i went wrong. I used logic, which is apparently absent in the majority of engaged people. ug.

Editor's Note: All this is opinion, but if i really wanted to, i could go into nearfacts about how DeBeers ("a diamond is forever" company) basically created today's engagement system. How convenient that a company that would profit off of people buying expensive rings would lobby for a system where people buy expensive rings. That's commercialism for you.


Pamela said...

I hate how funny you are. Great post Matt.

MindySue said...

I have to say it. You're wrong. Engagement rings really have very little to do with the guy or trying to get his money. They are all about having a bigger rock than any of your girlfriends. It's true. Take a poll.

Anonymous said...

Mark- Label jars, not people.
Just kidding- this shit drives me CRAZY!!! What a great way to start a marriage- take out a f'ing loan for a RING?!! Come on people. But really- the guy is just as much to blame here.

diane said...

I had a friend say if she was to get engaged she wanted the guy to buy her a all in one washer and dryer...I thought that was funny.

leah said...

I don't think engagement rings are a stupid idea on the whole. I think an engagement-anything-else is a stupid idea, because it's not supposed to be about being a "gift" or "something useful". It's supposed to be about having a daily reminder, that you can't help but see a number of times throughout the day, of someone's commitment to you, and yours to him by wearing it (though I'm not opposed to men wearing them too- in fact, why not?) proudly for the world to see. Realistically, life long commitment can be a difficult thing, distractions happen- my ring is an important reminder to me. That being said, I do not understand why they need to be expensive, or even a diamond- just something beautiful. It's about the symbol itself, not the cost!