Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch: Disappointing

I want to bring your attention to something that has been hogging up the airwaves for the last little while. And by little while, i mean this is kind of old news that i ended up having a conversation about at dinner. Anyway, It's the great pacific garbage patch. I'm assuming it's somewhere in the pacific ocean, given the name. I'm also assuming that it's basically a big patch of garbage.

When i first heard about this, i was amazed. A giant island of plastic, swirling in the gyre. This must be a huge environmental disaster. Dang. We need to do something about this. Let's send a fleet of floating garbage trucks and an army of aqua garbage men (affixed with water wings, duh) out to this island in order to save the planet. Now. . . . . That was my initial thought.

Tonight at dinner, i learned some disappointing news. It's not really even technically§ an island. You can't even walk on it. I was imagining this pile of plastic, with maybe astroturf growing on it (thank alex honnold for that one), and what it turns out to be is a bunch of plastic things floating on top of the ocean. How much of a let down was that?

I figured that with american consumerism and china being whatever it is, we would have the power to literally create an island out of plastic. I'm talking animals living on it. Maybe a tribe of island people. Possibly even some nice houses. I mean, these are the two countries that gave us global warming, slavery, and mutant animals. I figured we could do better than that.

What i propose is we really live up to our potential. Instead of recycling, we need to start shipping our plastic to friends or relatives on the coast and have them ship them to this weak pile of plastic. I figure in about 5 years, we could literally have a place to go on vacation. Not only that, but we could open up some real estate plots to put all the overpopulation whiners/wieners on it. waaaaaaaaa, we're running out of water. waaaaaaaaa, there isn't enough food for everyone. waaaaaaaa, get over it. You know, i'm going to try and have as many kids as possible just to annoy you (i won't).

Anyway, let's get motivated and create that island.

§ - I say technically because my definition of an island is one that you can physically make some sort of shelter on and maybe live for a year if you had to. It has to grow palm trees as well as other various fruit trees. It also must have bears on it.


Lara said...

I, too, was disappointed when I finally looked into this mis-defined patch of whatever.

Nichole said...

Vacation on Garbage Island?? Who would not want to go there?