Monday, December 13, 2010

The British: Can I Bum a Fag, Mate?

Sooner or later, this was bound to happen. I mean, come on. The british. This is an easier target than shooting hippies in boulder, and for those of you who aren't aware. . . . . trust me. It's easy.

I guess to start out, we should roll back the clocks a couple hundred years to revolutionary times. Times when men were men, and women were considered property. Simpler times. (just for clarification, i don't consider women property). When the british thought they were awesome, and we turned around and eagle punched them. [eagle screech].

Let me interject here and say that i know british people. Not biblically, but in the sense that i've met them, spent time with them, and have come to realize that they really are terrible. Not just a few. . . . All of them.

It might be the fact that they call semi trucks, "articulated lorries", or that they call their police officers, "bobbies". It might be the fact that deep down, they're still bitter about the whole revolution thing. It might be the fact that they think rollerblading is cool. It might be the fact that people die waiting in line for medical attention. It might be the fact that they add random letters to words (behaviour). It might be the fact that they don't brush their teeth. It might be the fact that they wear euro swim trunks. It's definitely the fact that we had to save them from the nazis. Either way, the facts have spoken. The british are what we were, before we became mare kins.

Their only comeback about mare kins is that we're fat, but guess what. I'm not, and i think i remember hearing something about the british jumping on the obesity band wagon. On the wagon? Off the wagon? I'm not sure which it is. . . . . They're fat. Fat fat fat. Here is a short list of things they're jealous of.

1. Freedom (they're jealous of our presidents. . . even if they are secretly socialists)
2. Big trucks (they're jealous of our gas mileage)
3. Guns (they're jealous of or ability to own mossberg 590 a1 9 shots)
4. Minutemen (they're jealous of mare kin's dedication to hating people)
5. Immigrants (they're jealous we have immigration issues. "why don't they want to come here? it's because you smell bad.")

Anyway, these 2 bit, meter measuring, universal healthcared idiots get whatever is coming to them. The only people worse than them are the french, and they technically don't count as people. I'll take my fries with a side of freedom, please.

The post is dedicated to james. Eat dirt, you miserable sod.

ps, i'm not too worried about losing british readers because i'm pretty sure the british can't read anyway.


Courtney said...

hahahaaaa. Best post ever. Mare kins rock! Nuff said.

Anonymous said...

I recently bummed a fag from Steve Downes. It was a very rewarding exchange of words I must say.

Matthew said...

Was it a raspy exchange of words? PS, didn't know who he was until i googled him.

Anonymous said...

You are wrong on so many levels. Keep shooting tin cans in your backyard and marrying your siblings. Such a shame you see others like this and so incorrectly but worse that you spread tour ignorant false information, apart from articulated lorry everything you spout is 100% wrong. Brits like Americans! We dont insert letters you remove them, learn about history. We are not jealous of your immigration and Jesus how dare you insult our FREE healthcare, no one ever has died waiting for a doctor unlike in the states are you actually retarded?! Sounds like you dont even know your own country let alone anywhere else. You are the reason terrorists hate westerners! Not even joking. Your ignorance is palpabale. Glad this blog is a molecule on a speck of dust, you deserve no acknowledgement apart from cunt of the millennium.