Thursday, December 9, 2010

Vibram 5 Finger Shoes: They're Toes. . . Not Fingers.

Regardless of being fingers or toes, these shoes are meant for one thing. Injuring you. . . I guess two things. Injuring you, and making you look like an idiot (offense to people who wear them. Offense). Don't bother writing arguments because i've heard all of them, and i'm prepared to to shoot down every single one of them.

The Argument - 5 finger toe shoes make you run how humans are supposed to run, up on the balls of your blah blah blah.
The Shootdown - That is dumb. I could see maybe making your children wear them growing up, but the fact is, you've already trained your feet with support your entire life so switching now because you think you'll change your body is dumb. Shot down, turd burglars.

The Argument - Ultra-runners wear them.
The Shootdown - No they don't.

The Argument - They look good.
The Shootdown - No they don't.

The Argument - It strengthens your feet.
The Shootdown - If by strengthens, you mean injures, then yeah, it strengthens your feet.

If you insist on wearing these shoes around, all the ultra-runners and physical therapists that i know say that walking around your house or around a park will give you the best results. Buying a pair of these and running a marathon is a great way to injure yourself.

I'm sure i'm going to get comments (probably not) that say something like this, "i own these things and they're great", or "i just ran a marathon in these", or "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah". Congratulations, you're an anomaly. For the rest of america, it's a sure fire way to lose friends and ruin your body.

Oh, and also. They're not fingers, they're toes. Get it right. Oh, and you look like a big idiot when you wear them. Effing barefoot trustafarians.

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