I was recently looking to see if my blog appeared inside of google. Apparently it does if you google: matt irving blog of negativity dumb pretentious rolling backpacks. Weird, i know. It doesn't really show up for anything else. Try it. Or don't. . . . . I just lied to you so don't bother. Anyway, I found out that another matt irving had a blog on myspace (kind of childish) and i wanted to see if it was as funny as mine (it's not). It's not, however he did have a good idea that i promptly borrowed. Don't worry, i'll cite him (see below)
This idea comes from matt irving. There, are you happy? I don't care either way. Wham! that just happened. Speaking of wham, that was kind of a weird band, don't you think? And by weird, i mean awesome.
Anyway, the ultimate friend competition. That's what i've been trying to get at for the last two paragraphs. I imagine that my fan is perking up at this point, hoping that he/she will have a shot at being the ultimate friend (which is no relation to the ultimate human, but it might help)
No one reading this is my ultimate friend for several reasons. You can read on to find out, or you can stop and go cry in the corner. Your choice.
*End of Disclaimer*
Ok, here is a list of ultimate friend requirements. Keep in mind that these are more like loose guidelines that can be changed at any point. For example, if you were to buy me food, you would bypass all requirements and be my ultimate friend for a day or two, or until i went to the bathroom.
1. Must be facebook friends. (not just "facebook friends" but for reals. I'm talking messages, wall posts that aren't links to dumb things, pokes, compliments, etc. . . . (oh, and i'm not fishing for friend requests because i don't really care)
2. Must be able to do feats of: strength, balance, wisdom, flexibility, awesome, etc...
3. Must bare my first child. Sorry dudes, unless you can pony up a uterus, a womanish figure, and some class, you're probably out.
4. Must bear my first child. You read that correctly. It's a verb. Look it up (don't). It means to allow ones child to be raised by a gaggle of bears for one year. I'm cool with it. My ultimate friend must be as well.
5. Must make me feel good about myself.
6. Must talk me into doing cool things. ie. . . "you could totally make that" (referring to landing a trick, jumping a gap, making a cake, constructing a sweet octopus halloween costume, blah blah blah, etc, etc, etc...)
7. Must have the ability to notice and compliment good facial hair.
8. Must not be canadian.
9. Ok, i'm going to bed.
Rereading this, it appears that i've made a list of requirements for a wife, but that's not what it started out as. Eff.