Sunday, January 23, 2011

Astrology: It Has To Be Real. It's On The Internet.

I was going to write the real definition of astrology then write mine to show you the difference, but that seems like a waste of my time and yours so instead, i'll just waste your time and pick one word from my definition that best describes how i feel towards astrology. . . . ok, cancel that. 3 words.

Minimum wage worker.

I'll let you piece that one together. I also used words like "generalities" and "vague" and "pongquats", but i feel that "minimum wage worker" better describes astrology. If you want an explanation, just ask. Or don't because i'll just tell you.

People who buy in to whorescopes are just people with maybe less of an education. Yes, i am stereotyping. Just be glad i'm not singling any of you out. I'm [not] sorry, but if you're that gullible to believe that an effing star can somehow tell you that you're going to have a bad day and you should follow your instincts, then you're an idiot. That simple. Idiots act on whorescopes.

Here was mine for yesterday:
"You're having a fun, relaxed time of it today, and should find that your presence does wonders for your people. It's a great day for you to step up and ensure that everyone who matters is heard."

I never knew i had people. Good to know next time i host a party, say a "T-Lake Techno Party" (google it), it'll be nice to have my peeps with me. Anyway, despite being vague and general, it completely missed it's mark. My day was not relaxing. Nor was today's. Eff you whorescope.

Ok, i asked a good friend of mine who works at gizmodo to give some insight on astrology. Enjoy.

"The stars are giant flaming orbs of gas, floating in a vacuum. They dictate nothing. They determine nothing in your life. They do not care about you, or your girlfriend, or you r job, or your sister's wedding, or your car not starting, or whether you're "the jealous type." They do not get to decide whether you get along with Libras, or can't stand Cancers, or are having a bad day. They don't care about anything, because they are giant flaming orbs of gas, floating in a vacuum. Stars don't even care about starts. If you're lazy, or sleazy, or easily angered, it's your own fault--not the galaxy's."
-entertaining gizmodo writer-

amen.

p.s. - i don't actually have a good friend at gizmodo, i made that up, but i did copy and paste the paragraph from a gizmodo article, so. . . . . . yeah.

p.p.s. - the "t-lake techno party" is an annual techno party held on justin timberlake's birthday. often frequented by major celebrities, this party has in recent years gone the way of laserdiscs, but former party goers frequently post queries on major news sites, asking if said party will ever resume.

1 comment:

Kira said...

People that believe in horoscopes make life a little better for the rest of us. It wasn't too terrible seeing a large chunk of the population get thrown into an identity crisis after the Zodiac shift. Plus, all those people that thought they were lazy because their "sign" said so, are now forced to be more determined and might bag my groceries a little faster.