Friday, January 7, 2011

Driving Like a Cowboy: An Urban Cowboy. . . . Heeaaaaah

I love driving. I love driving in snow storms. I love driving off road. I love driving fast. I love driving slow (when i'm annoyed by tailgaters). I love driving my motorcycle. I love driving my motorcycle fast. . . . Unfortunately, i fall asleep very easily when i get behind the wheel. Sometimes i don't, but other times it's really fast (even on the motorcycle, i've had to pull over and lay down in the gravel).

One time, i was on a road trip with my buddies and apparently it was "my turn to drive". I told them i was tired, but they made me drive anyway and within 30 seconds of getting behind the wheel, i had nodded off. I quickly pulled over, realizing that i had just fallen asleep at the wheel. The guys, after noticing i had fallen asleep, were even more keen on getting me switched out. Anyway, that was just a little driving story. I have SO MANY. Tons of epic road trips.

Ok, so the reason i bring driving up is because when i drive my SUV or ride my motorcycle, i consider myself somewhat of an urban cowboy. You heard me. Urban. Cowboy. I have boots, a johnny las vegas cowboy shirt, tight fitting jeans, and usually a mustache. I think this more than qualifies me to be an urban cowboy (even though i don't have a hat), but the real reason i feel i've earned my urban cowboy status is that fact that i have become a typical "utah driver".

If you're not a utah driver, you hate utah drivers, but if you are one, then congratulations, you are officially a very skilled yet inconsiderate driver (but you still hate other utah drivers). If you don't know what a "utah driver" is then let me explain what we are.

1. We drive fast (at least 20 mph over the speed limit).
2. We don't use turn signals (why? we have great situational awareness).
3. We will cut across 5 lanes of traffic to make the exit (done it. It's awesome. and actually, sometimes i'll go out of my way to do it).
4. Sometimes we honk (i always honk my vehicle if i hear another vehicle honk, regardless of who they're honking at).
5. We shoot gaps (if you're curious as to what shooting a gap is, it's basically cutting someone off in a way that's not as offensive because you're going faster than everyone on the road).

Anyway, i can't think of any more. i'm sure there are more though. The reason why i'm relating all this awesome driving to an urban cowboy is because:

a) cowboys were renegades
b) they rode their horses wherever the eff they wanted and they definitely didn't use turn signals
c) they shot people instead of gaps
d) they gave heeeeeaaahhhs instead of honks
e) instead of crossing 5 lanes, they would cross the prairie or maybe even a mountain

Ok, some of you are probably wondering why this is in my new positivity blog and it's because i'm positively positive that if you tried driving like a "utah driver", you'd have a lot of fun. . . or get in a wreck, depending on your skill set. So next time you're on the road, and you see someone driving like a "utah driver", don't think idiot, think urban cowboy, then honk your horn and follow suit.


Cindy Lou said...

I'll admit that after seven months in the Happy Valley, I became a Utah-esque driver. The only real difference is that I'm much more conscientious now, a skill born out of necessity to avoid wrecks in Utah (which I did with 100% success, although there were some extremely close calls.)

Jill said...

I really liked this post it was very amusing, however I do believe that cowboys used to yell "yeeehaaawwww". Heeeeahhhh is kind of what a donkey sounds like but still not quite there.

Matthew said...

Common misconception. Cowboys didn't yell yeeeehaawwwww. I mean, i guess they did in old dumb movies, but real cowboys yelled heeaaaahhhh. Also, donkeys make a heehah noise, not heeaahhhh!!!! Just an fyi.

Courtney said...

While I can certainly appreciate your stance on urban cowboy driving, Brent would be very disappointed. He does not approve of aggressive driving in any way, shape or form! Trust me. He doesn't. Not. At. ALLLL.