Sunday, January 9, 2011

An Ode to Otter Pops: Yes, You Read Correctly. Otter Pops.

Dear otter pops, you're the greatest thing
I need you like a bird needs a wing
You give me this energy, i'm not sure how
it might be the metric ton of sugar i'm ingesting now

yep, that's definitely it, i can feel the buzz
oh no, i've eaten to much, i know this because
my hands are all shaky and clammy and cold
this feeling's like love, except 10 times more bold (and rewarding)

If i had to choose between them or a girl,
i'd choose otter pops. hands down.
otter pops don't leave you hanging.
otter pops don't complain
otter pops don't leave you speechless standing like a miserable sod in the rain
they're with you forever, well. . . actually no.
but eat otter pops, ready. . . set. . . go.


i know, that was kind of a stretch, but seriously, they're great. I have a box at work, courtesy of Michelle (thanks, i appreciate it so much, i capitalized your name, and i NEVER capitalize names. . . not even obamas) and i'm not going to lie, it's the only reason i go in to work at all. It's essentially the only reason i get up in the morning, because i know that when i get to work, i can cut open one of the greatest creations known to man and partake of it's goodness.

If any of you are up for a challenge, you can participate in what fox news called the greatest challenge in american history. it's the otter pop challenge. Long story short, you and your friends eat an entire box of otter pops on a road trip. Long story longer, it can't be done. I mean, sure it is possible, but it's not probable. I'm 97% sure you would die. Oh, and it can't be 2 year trustafarian excursion. It has to be a legitimate road trip, a weekend trip where you end up driving for 20 hours.

If you're interested, on the otter pops website, they also have some music videos starring 6 multi-cultural otter pops on various instruments as well as, what appears to be, a dead dog on the turn tables. I watched about 30 seconds and was kind of weirded out, so good luck.

Otter pops, you rock.

2 comments:

MindySue said...

To my knowledge, my kids have never had an otter pop. They always made my throat hurt so I've never purchased them....that and the whole metric ton of sugar thing. I feed them frozen go-gurts (plenty of sugar, as well). Does that make me a bad mom?

Matthew said...

yes.