Monday, January 17, 2011

The Walmart Equation: Theory or Fact

Since i talked a little bit about hate in my last post, i feel i'll use it as a perfect segue into today's discussion. And by discussion, i mean me telling you what i hate. I guess it's not so much a discussion as it is a sermon. Either way, you're learning inedible things.

Question: If, while in any randomly selected walmart, 3 random adult males use 3 randomly selected (mostly separate) urinals, while only 1 male washes his hands afterwards, is it disgusting?

Answer: I feel as if i'm safe to say that the answer has exited theory and has been floating around in the upper tank of fact for quite some time now. So. . . . yes, it is disgusting.

Is the walmart-anti-hand-washing-phenonmenon (WAHWP pronounced wah-weep) actually a phenomenon amongst walmart's or is it pretty standard across the board of superstores? I don't want to be one of "those guys" who uses stereotypes to portray a certain population as the grubby sausage finger non hand washing type. . . . . . but. . . . 'm going to. We'll leave it at that.

So when i walked out of the bathroom, i saw one of the guys that didn't wash his hands. I watched as he walked around the store touching things. Sometimes for no reason. Was he doing this on purpose? Was he a serial anti-hand-washing-toucher (AHWT pronounced ah-weet)? Gross. As i watched this disgusting event unfold in front of me, i suddenly became aware of all the wiener germs that were probably on every item in the store. I was in my own personal hell. Wishing that i could just evaporate, i quickly made my way to the mcdonalds that was attached to the walmart, purchased a sausage mcmuffin, then left. Ug.

Ok, it's math time. On average, 3 people walk out of the bathroom without washing their hands every 5 minute. That's 971 people an hour. Multiply by 2 (most people have 2 hands). This equals approximately 3.14159 million people who don't wash their hands, then put their grubby sausage fingers all over everything. . . . . per walmart, per day. Ug, that's gross.

Let me clarify something. I don't think washing your hands all the time is good for your immune system. Especially growing up. Parents that make their kids wash their hands after everything are doing them a disservice later in life. That being said. If you touch your wiener (or anybody else's for that matter), wash your hands.

Anyway, i hope that this sermon wasn't too much, since it's inedible and all. It must be tough eating things that weren't meant to be eaten, like accidentally eating gum, or the weird piece of material surrounding store-bought bologna, or i guess eating bologna itself.


J-Hal said...

Matt, somehow I think these numbers you are throwing out are a little bogus. I don't know what makes me think that, especially since I know you did very well in your stats and research classes at the community college you attended for a year. I just don't get it. Maybe you could provide some references?

Matthew said...

sure, i'll throw out some references. how about i reference my fist to your face? If that doesn't cut it, i spent a week observing the population, then i formulated the numbers taking into account the sample size. At first i was confused, but my stats did show me that i was accurate to the 95th percentile and since we all know that an accuracy to the 95th percentile is considered legitimate in some cases, i decided to publish my findings.

Annie said...

Matt ... your mom reads your posts.