Saturday, January 29, 2011

Words: Why Can't We Say Them Correctly? And By We, I Mean You.

Now that i've set the record straight on the correct usage of the phrase "pantsing", i will now tackle a bigger issue.

I exspecially like it when i go to the libary, and irregarldess of what the libarian is doing, she takes some time and dethaws my microwave meal in the microwave, but supposebly even if you didn't ax, she prolly would do it anyway.

Excuse me while i clean up my word vomit. I just slipped on it. Oh, it's quite pungent. Oh gosh, it's in my hair. What luck. . . .

You've probably deduced this post's topic. Saying words correctly. I'm going to attempt to do this without sounding like a racist person, but it'll be hard because, other than ghetto white wangsters, who have you ever heard say the word "ax"? As in "let me ax you a question". . . . . .

. . . . . . Ok, so aside from the word "ax", i actually hear those other abominations more than one would expect "irregardless" of where i am. The one that bugs me the most is "supposebly". I mean, have you just never spelled it before? Really? You've gone your entire existence without spelling the word supposeDly? Really? Oh. You have? Sorry. Congrats. I didn't think it was possible.

Unlike the fake person i just had a one-sided conversation with, i doubt any of you have ever gone your entire life without spelling supposedly, which means that all of you should be able to pronounce it correctly. I understand that maybe you've had too much to drink so you're slurring your words, or maybe you just received a surprise concussion, or maybe you're doing it on purpose because you know how much i hate it. Whatever the case, you need to stop. It makes you look incompetent and/or an ignoramousª.

The only reason i'm being somewhat rude about this is because out of all the things that really annoy me, this is one of the worst. . . or best, however you want to look at it. . . . which is terrible because of two things.

1) i say "ummuna" instead of "i'm going to" (which makes me a hypocrite, i understand)
2) out of all the things to get bent out of shape about, this shouldn't be high on anyone's list.

Anyway, ya'all need to practice annunciating so that ya'll can all sound like a professional. A professional jerk. . . . . Man (or woman), if that was a job, i would take it in a heartbeat. I would dedicate my life to it and work my way up the corporate ladder and end up as the CEO of Jerks Inc. So sweet. Unfortunately, it's not a job so i'll have to be a jerk under the title of amateur. I am an amateur jerk. Go suck eggs.

ª i know it's spelled ignoramus, but i thought it'd be ironically funny to spell it that way, and i was testing to see if anyone actually knew how to spell it. I didn't. i had to look it up.


Anonymous said...

Enunciate --- hypocrite

Anonymous said...

My husband says 'supposebly.' I love him, but I just want to punch him in the face when he says that.