Monday, February 28, 2011

Asian Cuisine: A Culinary Conundrum

I’m sitting in the airport, trying to front load my blog, so this is for a future post. I guess when you’re reading this it’ll be old news, but still relevant.

I’m quitting america.

Because of food.

I love asian cuisine and i just can’t enough of it. I can’t get enough chicken feet. I can’t get enough squid. I can’t get enough unknown rubbery substance that may or may not be dog. I can’t get enough of it. . . . . Ha! i’m just messing with you. LOL. LOLZ. ROTFL. I tried the chicken feet and they weren’t a good enough excuse to quit freedom.

But, as some of you may or may not know, i do run a somewhat, nay, mostly negative blog and i do have some small quips (debatable) about asian food.

1. Taiwanese people don’t drink water or allow other people to drink water . I’m not sure if it’s because the water tastes bad or because it’s toxic or if it’s because they’ve evolved in to a superior being that doesn’t need water or all of the above or none of the above, but whenever you sit at a restaurant, they serve you only tea and alcohol. I’m not a fan of either, so it pains me every time. Every. Time. When you do ask for water, they pretend like they don’t understand you, or maybe they actually don’t understand you. When they do acknowledge your existence, they bring you hot water in a little tea cup as if you’ve brought your own tea and plan on making your own brew right there. No. I didn’t bring tea. I just want water. A glass of room temperature water.

2. Although this technically isn’t food, it deals with food or at least wiping food from around your mouth (or off your forehead and other random areas of your face if you’re mark irving). . . . . Napkins. They don’t use napkins in taiwan. Sometimes, and i use the word “sometimes” loosely, they will put a tiny wet nap next to your chopsticks, but this is only for wiping your hands off before the meal. What happens when you eat prawns and your hands become a messy mess of the sea? Then what? Well, i’ll tell you what happens. You end up with the ocean and all of it’s contents on your clothes and on your neighbors clothes as well as part of the table and the ceiling. *Sarcasm* thanks for not giving me a napkin. I didn’t need it [as i stand naked in the shower (in short jean shorts because i’m a never nude) trying to wash off the crew of the flying dutchman] *end of sarcasm*.

Sorry, that was a bit long. Actually i’m not sorry. All of you need to know this in case you ever go to taiwan.

Oh, and the food is gross.


MindySue said...

That's interesting about the water. Huh. I like bizarre cultural differences though, so I actually think it's pretty cool.

Michael Turton said...

Reading the comment about water, it's like you've never been Taiwan. Water is the most easily obtainable and common drink on the island, served for the asking at any restaurant, and frequently without. I can't think of where I haven't been able to get water, and I have been here twenty years.

Warm water is common because Taiwanese don't believe in cold drinks.

Matthew said...

they don't believe in cold drinks like i don't believe in the eater bunny? That just doesn't make sense. Also, i wouldn't have written it if it wasn't true. I only write truth.

Lara said...

Only alcohol is served in Portugal. And maybe juice. In Lisbon I asked for water and the waiter was confused and then offended. "Water is for bathing," he said, his nose high in the air. "Wine is for drinking."

He eventually brought me water, though everyone was pointing and staring.

merk said...

no napkins? note to self. avoid Taiwan.