Monday, February 21, 2011

Parking Lot Etiquette: Some General Rules

Since, i'm in Asia right now, the land of crazy effed up driving, i'm going to do a driving themed post, however i'm not going to do it on asian driving. . . . yet . . . and there are no guarantees that i won't mention asian drivers in this post. I won't talk about how crappy they are. I mean, i could. They're really crappy drivers. Just terrible. But i won't.

What i'd really like to discuss is parking lot etiquette, or i guess the lack thereof.

To make this easy, as well as keeping with the blog of negativity's theme of being negative as well as writing lists, i'm going to make a list of things that you can do in a parking lot to be lazy/make people extremely upset.

1. Drive as if you're asian.
2. Run into pedestrians (which could technically be lumped into #1).
3. Always circle the parking lot at least 7 times in order to find the best parking spot. If one is not available, park in the handicap spot. They usually don't drive anyway. . . . and they could probably use the exercise.
4. If you drive a truck, it's mandatory that you take up more than one parking spot.
5. If you don't own a truck, it's mandatory that you take up more than one parking spot.
6. Park perpendicular if you have to. . . . or really really close to other people.
7. Throw trash out your window, preferably right in front of some, even more preferably on to someone.
8. Call people namesª.
9. Park in fire lanes.
10. Run over toesº

Keep in mind that if said parking lot is covered in snow, then all rules go out the window and you should drive as crazy as possible. Chances are you're a moron and don't know how to drive in the snow so people will hate you anyway, but for those of you that are skilled in the art of snow driving, take advantage of the commotion and as fast and twisty as possible as you can. If you're driving a '88 honda hatchback, otherwise known as "the civ", you are obligated to drive like you're playing grand theft auto.

Take care and good luck.

ª if you choose to call people names, note that there will probably be consequences. Some of which might include getting your mirror and side window smashed out with a club (a literal club, not the antitheft device. . . . but now that i think about it, that could in fact be used as a club. . . . interesting), then getting your speakers stolen a few days later because for some reason, your parents gave the perpetrator(s) your address.

º if you choose to run over toes, note that there will probably be consequences. Some of which might include getting your mirror and side window smashed out with a club (a literal club. . . . not the antitheft device. . . . but now that i think about it, that could in fact be sued as a club. . . . intersting), then getting your speakers stolen a few days later because for some reason, your parents gave the perpetrator(s) your address.


1 comment:

Courtney said...

Brent reprimanded some old lady a couple of days ago for parking in a spot he was waiting for, it was pretty funny. She hasn't stolen our speakers yet, but I'll keep you posted.