Guest writer Brian Alexander is an ultra running [non barefoot hopefully], hotshotting, crab wrangling, world traveling, husband and father of 7. I made the father of 7 part up, but maybe eventually. I will be interjecting throughout the article to add to the funny factor, but in all reality, this is a depressing subject. Anywhere you see these [ ] indicates me adding a snide comment. . . . starting. . . . NOW!
Recently, I [brian alexander, human extraordinaire] viewed an online article about well payed “reality” show actors/actresses. To my surprise Nicole Polizzi aka Snooki [aka dumb] from Jersey Shore was listed. I skimmed the article and it mentioned that she gets $20,000 to walk some red carpet events and was even recently paid $2000 more than Toni Morrison to speak to Rutger University students. For those who don’t know who Toni Morrison is; she is a Nobel and Pulitzer prize winning author, editor and professor whose writings include Beloved and Song of Solomon. . . . . . and yes, she received less than Snooki from Jersey Shore for a speaking engagement. [i threw up a little]
Sooo yes, Snooki received $32,000 for 1 hour worth of work [At this point, i must interject because that’s what brian and i earned in 6 months RISKING OUR LIVES TO SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT AND PEOPLE’S HOMES]. This I find comical [YEAH, HYSTERICAL. I’M LAUGHING MY PANTS OFF] because the nation is talking about education reform and money is quickly leaving the nation's school district’s budget. First they cut the arts programs so we have less creative students and then they hit the educators themselves. Teachers will either be laid off or forced to take a reduction in their salary. $32,000 is i am guessing the cost of a teachers salary for a year.
I think they should start getting Sally Struthers to make fundraising commercials for teachers. Maybe the commercial layout will consist of unemployed educators with flies buzzing around their heads and end with an 800 number mentioned on the bottom of the screen telling how you can support the cost of a teacher for 10 cents a day [it should probably be more than 10 cents].
[Anyway] So what great pearls of wisdom and intellect did Snooki leave for the students of Rutgers University. "Imagination is more important than knowledge"? Nope that was Albert Einstein. How about "act as if what you do makes a difference, it does"? No, again that was quote by William James. The quote to instill a great many years to a successful life is "study hard but party harder" All I have to say is J-WOW [HA! I liked that].
In summation [in conclusion]; if you are pursuing a level of higher education I beg of you, please STOP! Save you or your parent's [up until i was 23, i assumed all children paid for their own college] hard earned money and instead use your time wisely to fill out applications for any of the hundreds of reality shows out there currently. I know what your thinking I don’t have the personality [you probably don’t]. I am here to tell you that they have a reality show for any type of personality out there. From the not-so-Real-Housewives-of-(insert city here) to the Hi-Im-a-stupid-teenager-that-never-attended-any-sex-ed-classes-and-somehow-managed-to-get-pregnant [it's actually pretty easy]. And even all the way to a show about people thrown together to live in a huge mansion and forced to work terrible jobs at record labels and A[debatable]-list celebrity clubs also known as the Real World (insert city name here [Bone, ID]).
My question is this; Why would anyone want to listen to Snooki talk to college graduates? Whose idea was this? The students or the dean? Anyway, you look at it, it was a terrible idea and parents were pissed [understandable]. I try not to judge books by their cover [even if it is a tiny stupid trashy cover that contributes nothing to society, except maybe crabs]. That and i give people the benefit of the doubt, but Snooki is exactly what i imagined she would be. [the antichrist].
[The question i would like to pose is why was brian reading celebrity smut? because it’s entertaining, that’s why.]