Thursday, April 7, 2011

Super Powers: They Have Their Limits

Ok, so this next one is somewhat random, but if you have any idea how my brain operates, it makes perfect sense. Imagine a brain operating on ice cream and great ideas. Now imagine the same brain being overloaded by feelings of intolerance, and that about sums it up.

Anyway, i was having a conversation with some “friends” about super powers and which one would be the most desirable. One girl (who shall remain nameless for a couple fragmented sentences) chose invisibility, which is incredibly ignorant. Some people chose flight, and i chose indivisibility because i think being indivisible would be pretty sweet. Just kidding, i chose flight. Who wouldn’t? Caroline Treadway wouldn’t, that’s who.

So, when we finally convinced her that flight was the ultimate super power, the next question that arose was this. How low would your maximum speed have to be before you’d rather have a different super power?

Just for reference, here are some descriptions of traveling at certain speeds.

2 mph - You go to fly and you cruise along at a mellow 2 mph. Everybody is faster than you. It’s kind of disappointing and everybody thinks you’re a joke. You basically have the ability to float. While having the ability to float isn’t that cool, it still might be fun in certain intimate circumstances.

10 mph - Congratulations. You now have the ability to jog (yog) in the air. Still not that fast, but at least you could impress your friends by doing loops and what not. But only as long as they didn’t get in a car or on a bike or anything like that.

just for reference, peter pan was somewhere in between 10 and 50.

50 mph - Dang. Cruising. Barely doing the minimum on the interstate, your flight would really only be functional to get around town. If the trip is longer, you would be left behind by your friends. Assuming you have any.

100 mph - This is now starting to get into functional flying. Road trips, would be about the same, depending on who’s driving, but i’d imagine you’d get bored with things and the wind would be so loud that you’d have a hard time listening to music.

500 mph - similar to a jumbo jet, you now have the ability to travel around the U.S. with about the same times. The pros: you don’t have to wait in security. The cons: you are bored as crap and possibly wearing a him suit because it’s cold.

2000 mph - You can now get anywhere in the U.S. in under an hour and a half, unless you live on the extreme outskirts like maine, but why would you live there?

5000 mph - You can now fly to london in just under an hour. You will now definitely die if you hit a bird. Even if you’re wearing a helmet, so be careful.

12,450 mph - you can now get anywhere in the world in under an hour. Congratulations, you’re awesome,

Also, what if you had to flap your arms like a bird? would you take something else? I would because as cool as flying is, you’d look like an idiot and nobody wants to look like an idiot. Especially if they’re flying.

So, anyway, like i said before. It’d be interesting to know how slow people would go before they chose, say, the wondertwin’s (one word? two words?) power. My minimum would be 500mph. Any less and i’d rather have the ability to transform into a mop or something like that.

ps, i chose 500mph because that’s really the most functional speed and i’m pretty much the most functional person i know, which means i need to meet more people.

pps, i would actually probably choose invisibility, but i'm afraid that i would just steal things all the time and have no regard for the law, so flight it is!


C-note said...

EVERYONE wants to fly! Get original!

Matthew said...

that's because flying is the best. That's like saying everyone would like to be happy. Don't be such a hipster.

Layne T said...

him suit link?

Matthew said...

Layne, i don't know what you're talking about. You can't prove anything.

Layne T said...

you know what? from now on proof your own shit. and you're welcome.

J-Hal said...

Oh man I was actually lol'ing during most of that. Well done my friend. We should converse about that on our awesome podcast found at for all those people who don't know about it.

Matthew said...

nice try jc, nobody reads this.

MindySue said...

I wouldn't choose flight. I would choose super speed. That way I could run as fast as I wanted to get to places (in North and South Am) I'm pretty sure I could run on water since I would be going so fast. I'd be able to get all the things done I needed to in 1/100000th of the time. Grocery shopping...WHAM. Clean the house....WHAM. Time to read a book.

Matthew said...

Mindy - i think you meant to say that you'd just get to the grocery store in a fast manner because i'm pretty sure you'd still have to wait on the limits of other other people. Also, you'd be quite the menace if you tore through a grocery store and mach 2. I'm pretty sure you'd cause a lot of destruction. As far as reading goes, i mean, i think you'd only be turning the pages as fast as you can because your brain is still the same old brain, unless you want super speed reading capabilities, which is a different topic all together.

MindySue said...

I don't really care that I'd have to wait on the limits of other people (like the checker). It would still reduce a shopping trip to about 5 minutes and cleaning the house to 10. When you are shopping and cleaning for five, you will understand. I don't want to read a book with super speed. I just want to be able to get the unpleasant stuff done so that I have more time to do the stuff I want to do.

Matthew said...

Yeah, but you could do all those things if you had the power of flight. . . . plus you could FLY.