Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Free Flexor: Ug. Not Another Wiener Dumbbell

In order to fully experience this blog post, i’ll need you to watch this (don't forget to watch the video).

*Warning* Cannot unwatch *Warning*

Seriously, you cannot unwatch what you just watched. . . sorry.

Well, i guess there is one thing we can hopefully all agree on. The free flexor appears more wiener-like than the shake weight, both in shape and rigidity. But who is really comparing? I am.

My first complaint about the website (besides the video which we’ll get to momentarily) is the terrible font. For those of you who aren’t aware that terrible fonts exist, take note, because the free flexor website used every single one. My second complaint about the website is the shirtless creeper staring at you holding on to the shaft and ball of the dumbbell. I honestly have had a hard time looking at the website because of him. He makes me uncomfortable and I feel like i’ve been trying to avoid eye contact with him. My third and final complaint about the website is that exists in the first place, however props to the mixed race models. Way to hit your target audience.

Anyway, after glossing through the free flexor video, i’ve decided that the only way a wiener dumbbell could be produced is if a group of dudes got together and ended up daring each other to the point of production. At least that’s how I see it happening.

The real question is how on earth do these things get to the point where they are seen by people other than the imbeciles who imagine them? Somewhere along the line, relatively “smart” people looked at this thing and said “we might be able to sell enough of these dongbells to turn a profit. Let’s give it the green light”.

I guess that’s capitalism for you, huh? We live in a world where the drive to make money comes with a sacrifice. Some people sacrifice the innocence of children by forcing them to work long hours in a factory setting. Some people sacrifice the life savings of others, just to make a buck. Some people even sacrifice babies for no apparent reason. And then there are the people who sacrifice common sense by making the free flexor, which is now permanently burned into your retinas.

It’s really quite selfish if you ask me.

1 comment:

Freeman said...

dud, This is Ian. Now I realize that I have been wasting my time using that stupid barbell. I just ordered my Free Flexor. Psyched.