How are you? probably pretty orange is my guess, but i’ll address that later in the letter. What i’d really like to talk to you about are your “myspace angle” photos. You know, the ones. You’re either looking into a mirror, making that pouty little face, throwing up a peace sign or some weird hand gesture, or you’re holding the camera above you so you look 10 pounds lighter, making a pouty face, trying to get your boobs to look as good as possible.
Stop it. You look ridiculous.
That face doesn’t actually make you look sexy. It makes you look like a duck, and the last time i checked, most people weren’t in to ducks. They actually receive little attention by humans, other than the occasional bread toss, and duck hunting. Also, my brother mark tackled a goose once. Broke it’s leg. But gooses aren’t ducks. Obviously.
Anyway, in case you weren’t familiar with the origins of duck-face, i’ve prepared a short history lesson for you.
The history of duck-face:
Back in the 1920‘s, people started doing it to make fun of others who were less intelligent. Eventually, the less intelligent people found out and just started doing it themselves, eliminating the middle man.
So, thanks for that.
Anyway, there you have it duck-facers. If you find yourself looking in the mirror and you’re holding a camera and you’re orange and you’re making a duck-face, and you’re throwing up a peace sign, then you should probably take a step back (not literally) and take a real good look at your life. I think you’ll be disappointed.
Oh, also, stop it with the spray tan. You remind me of an oompa loompa, not because of size, but because of color. I mean, I guess if that’s the look you’re going for, then more power to you, but not really because you’re an idiot.
ps - keep in mind that orange men are just as guilty of the duck-face as women, and they look just as ridiculous.