I love the holidays! The good cheer. The love. The happiness. The Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaarf.
I (don’t) hate to be a debbie downer but i feel like this is a perfect day to add to the old Blog of Negativity. But matt, it’s thanksgiving. Yeah, i know. The best time to be negative is when everyone else is being positive. If you can drag a couple people down, then you’re doing pretty well. It’s like being sick. The more people you give your cold to, the better you feel. It’s physics, people. Get used to it.
Anyway, I’ll start with a list of things that i’m ungrateful for and we’ll go from there.
- Technology - What a joke. Yeah, let’s all get iphones and be idiots.
- Hipsters - I don’t really see how anyone could ever be grateful for hipsters, but i just wanted to use this blog as a platform to openly declare that hipsters are dumb, and they should leave.
- Airplanes - flying is so dumb. I wish we could all just take boats everywhere. Even on the land.
- A roof over my head - I recently moved from a dong-filled apartment to a dong-less apartment. . . . . . I guess not completely dong-less. . . . . . Anyway, i really wish that i was just living in a tent, like i’m sure my friend Ben Belisle is doing right now. Paying rent is so dumb.
- Friends - what a waste of energy. I could spend my time doing a lot more productive things, but instead I spend my time entertaining people who don’t even get my awesome jokes. Sandwich punches are always funny. Always.
- Birds - they’re really annoying. Flying around all cocky and stuff. “Oh, hey look at me, i can fly and you can’t”. That’s probably what they’re thinking when i unload 9 rounds of birdshot into their tiny little bodies. Which brings me to my list of things that i’m grateful for.
Anyway, i’m sure that there are a lot more things that i’m ungrateful for, but I’m really struggling with this and i’d rather be doing something else.