So here is this. . . .
Ok, for some reason, people love Nike shoes. Actually, that’s pretty reasonable, especially if you’re on your feet a lot. You want a good shoe that is comfortable, but will last, and Nike seems to deliver both aspects. I guess what i find unreasonable is that they love them enough to punch somebody else in the face in order to get a pair. I mean, that is messed up on so many different levels. Here are the levels.
Level 1 - Why would you ever hit another human bean in the face? Seems a bit harsh. I could see maybe boxing their ears, or kicking them in the shin, or pulling their hair, or peeling off their skin, but the face is such a nice thing (at least mine is)
Level 2 - Why shoes? I mean, I could see if you were in danger, or if someone else was in danger, or if they messed up your order at taco bell for the 3rd time, or if you entered Walmart on a Saturday, or if you’re at Denny’s and you specifically ask the waitress for no tomatoes on your handburger and you get them anyway, or if you’re in a bad mood, or if you scrape your knee, or if you wake up before your alarm goes off, or if you get called in the middle of the night for no reason, or if you squeeze the ketchup bottle and that gross liquid comes out, but to attack another human bean over a pair of shoes seems a bit drastic. They’re just shoes. Or are they? We’ll discuss this later.
Level 3 - Though shalt not covet thy neighbors shoe.
Anyway, I mentioned above that Nike’s were just shoes and i’ve actually heard arguments against this. They go something like this: A NIke shoe isn’t just a shoe, it’s a lifestyle. This can actually be said about any object you see, but i could see how one might be led to believe that owning a pair of nike’s is a lifestyle choice. Similar to how i could see that accidentally losing your arm in a combine is a lifestyle choice.
I mean, really the only similarity between a lifestyle choice and the choice to buy nike shoes is the fact that they both involve the word “choice”. regardless, it still doesn’t justify driving over two effing hours to wait outside a store just so you can stampede in with the rest of the idiots, punching whoever you can, just so you can grab things for your feet.
What? They were limited edition? Every shoe is limited edition. You really think that there are an unlimited number of converse in the universe?
Ug. Call me when they invent hover boots because that would be a justifiable punch to the face.