Don't believe me? Here's this:
“His pointer finger circled my puckered love cave. ‘Are you ready for this?’ he mewled, smirking at me like a mother hamster about to eat her three-legged young.” - 50 Shades of Grey (Gray)
Now, before you read on, the above quote is fake (i’m pretty sure. . . not 100%), although i’m pretty sure that the word “mewled” is used in the book quite a bit. Anyway, I did a google search for 50 shades of grey (gray) quotes and the internet is a buzz with fake 50 shades of grey (gray) quotes so i spent all morning (sorry shannon) trying to find some legitimate ones, and i did. Here is a list of 5 quotes from 50 Shades of Grey (Gray) and the reasons they suck:
ONE. . . "I think you can only truly be mad at someone you love" - Christian Grey's (Gray's) mom.
First off, Christian Grey’s (Gray’s) Mom? I don’t think a mother character should be in a book about bondage. That’s gross. Second, the quote is complete bull cocky. You can definitely be mad at someone you don’t love. I mean, i didn’t love Obama Bin Laden, and i can safely say that i was pretty mad at him when he personally flew planes in to the world trade centers. Pretty peeved indeed. So if you’re in the business of writing, do yourself a favor and only write characters that tell truths, not stupid sayings that don’t make any sense.
TWO. . . "I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul" - Christian Grey (Gray)
Am i the only person that thinks his last name should be Gray, not Grey (Gray)? Is he British? Cause he’s using the British spelling of gray, and we all know the brits don’t know how to write (A.K.A J.K. Rowlings). Also, that quote is dumb. Simple as that.
THREE. . . "You are. . . the state lottery, the cure for cancer, and the three wishes from Aladdin's lamp all rolled into one." - Anastasia Steele
As someone who knows someone who knows someone who survived cancer and has watched Aladdin, it is offensive to me that she lumped the state lottery in the same category as the cure for cancer and the wishes from Aladdin’s lamp. I mean, i could see if it was the Powerball, but the state lottery? Really? Grow up.
FOUR. . . "I lay awake for hours and watched you sleep . . . I might have loved you even then." - Christian Grey (Gray).
I did this once and i got labeled a creeper, so i’m not sure why this is now an attribute that women swoon over. bull cocky.
FIVE. . . "I don't remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible." - Anastasia Steele
You obviously didn’t read the bible, Anastasia, because it’s clearly in there. “Exodus 41:13 - And Moses applied the nipple clamps to Aaron, and Aaron was displeased.” And what’s with the name Anastasia? Anastasia is a shitty name. Sorry if you’re name is Anastasia. I’m not sorry because i called your name shitty. I’m sorry because you have a shitty name.
Anyway, I have more i’d like to say about this book, but i filled up my quota of curse words, and we all know that curse words are the best descriptive words of all time, better than mewled. So if you’d really like to know what i think. Call me. Seriously, call me. I’m bored.