Friday, July 13, 2012

Olympic Uniforms Made In China: Shockingly Not Shocking At All

Attention America!  Attention America!  It has been brought to our attention that our olympic uniforms are made in China.  What logical actions should we take in order to fix this slight?  We should pile up all the uniforms, and burn them.  Yes.  That’s right.  To show our patriotism, we need to get all the olympians naked, take their clothes, put them in a pile and light them on fire.  
Thank you Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev.  That is the most brilliantly idiotic plan i’ve ever heard of.  I have an even better idea.
 Afterwards, we’ll take all the U.S. olympians that come from other countries, We’ll put them on boats (probably also made in china), and we’ll send them back to their respective countries with notes that say: “Dear, (insert name, but for the sake of this post, we’ll say China), we don’t need your athletes to win medals.  Thanks, but no thanks.  Love merica.  P.S. Oh, and here is the money we owe you.  I hope you’ll take a check.”
Oh American politicians, why have you become so daft?  Is this really such a shock to you?  EVERYTHING IS MADE IN CHINA.  We all know this.  It seems to me that this is just a political stunt to garner votes.  
My mind is filling up with content, so bear (raaawrrr) with me and i’ll try to get it out into this word document without sounding too crazy.
. . . 
Ok, i guess my first questions is:

  1. What are the olympians going to wear while competing?  If i’m not mistaken, their Nike spandex unitards are also most likely made in China.
  2. Why did they choose berets?  The beret is a french hat.  How dare Ralph Lauren put french hats on our olympian's heads.  I think we can all agree that there is no hat more merican than either a 10 gallon cowboy hat, or a trucker hat with mesh back.  I sincerely hope that congress is not wasting any time passing laws that will outlaw any foreign materials and designs from being used to cover our olympians.  Michael Phelps deserves better.  After all, he’s really good at swimming.
  3. What product are the olympians going to put in their hair?  If i’m not mistaken (i actually probably am on this one) 100% of hair product comes from China.  I just threw that number out.  I’m not actually sure it’s real, but it could be. . . . but it might not be.
  4. Isn’t the point of capitalism to make the most profit?  If so, then wouldn’t it make sense to outsource to a country that manufactures products for the cheapest price, thus making you the greatest profit?  If so, then why are politicians complaining about companies trying to make the most amount of money?  That's very unamerican.  I mean, i get it.  People are getting very nationalistic around the olympics, but this sounds really similar to the time people tried to change the name of french toast to freedom toast, and we all know how that turned out.

Anyway, the best part about the whole debacle is the Olympic Committee’s response to ABC News when questioned about their choice in olympic clothing: 
“The U.S. Olympic team is privately funded and we’re grateful for the support of our sponsors.  We’re proud of our partnership with Ralph Lauren, an iconic American company.”
hahahahahaha.  That, to me, sounds like a big old “eff you”.  I might be wrong.  Who knows?
Anyway, click the link here for the whole article, and have fun.  There are some other really good quotes throughout the whole piece.

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