Monday, December 17, 2012

SNOWSTORM DRACO 2012: When did we start naming regular storms?

Who is naming storms? Who is doing this?  Is it the Weather Channel?  Is it Fox News?  I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.  Back in “the day” it was acceptable to name a hurricane.  It let us personify a severe weather pattern so that kids around the block could make fun of the person who happened to have the same name.  It was fun.  We all loved it.  But all of a sudden we’re dealing with DRACO!  A snowstorm that turns rain into snow and muggles in to turds.  How is anybody supposed to make fun of a kid named Draco, when being named Draco is already grounds for getting made fun of?

Look, it’s weather, not an evil child wizard.  Let’s stop pretending that every snowstorm that drops 6 inches of snow is going to end the world. If a snowstorm comes with 90 mph wind, drops 7 feet of snow, or rains babies from the sky, then I think it deserves to get named, but don’t start naming regular storms, just so you can create hype behind something that has happened since the beginning of time.

Oh nooooo.  A snow swath, which is actually just another name for where the snow will be falling, is usually portrayed by some sort of animated snowflake, but now it seems that Draco is so much more than just a regular storm, and deserves words like ‘swath’ and ‘blitzes’.  I wonder what else the “News” channels have up their sleeves? I bet when they’re showing footage of people braving the elements, they’ll slip in some old footage from Star Wars Episode 7 (the 2nd Star Wars for anyone born before 1990).

Wow? That weather looks miserable.  I better get to the nearest Walmart and purchase 300 TV dinners and some butter so I won’t perish during the storm of the millennia.  It’s crazy.

In the book “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”, the people of Chew and Swallow didn’t name their storms, and their storms rained giant pancakes, donuts, and spaghetti.  They closed schools.  People died.  They eventually had to relocate to a different continent, and they still didn’t name their storms.  They were just regular storms.  NBD.

I guess whoever is doing this felt the need to make DRACO!!!!!!!! a big deal since there isn't anything else going on in the world that they could blow out of proportion. . . .

Thank you Weather Channel, and the other idiotic news outlets.  You have succeeded in sensationalizing the mundane.  I look forward to next spring when you try and spoon feed us. . . Väinämöinen: The off-and-on spring thunderstorm that’s causing massive amounts of growing to occur.


Anonymous said...

Chillax, brah.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Just passing through...typed in google when little snowstorms started getting names and came up with your brilliant blog!