Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Quitting Facebook: Ha Ha Ha. Yeah Right. Good Luck.

All abooooooaaaaaard.  Facebook is out, people.  Everybody is leaving for Google +. We’re all doing it.  C’mon!!!!  Let’s Go!!!!  This way!!!  C’mon!!!!  Yes.  Everyone.  Seriously.  No.  I’m Serious.  Everyone.  Well.  I mean, most people.  Yes.  Most people.  Like 70%.  What? Yeah, ok, maybe it’s more like 50%, but seriously, EVERYONE is leaving.  Literally.  Everyone.  What? You want proof?  The proof is in the pudding.  What do you mean, you don’t know what that means?  Ok, fine. 30%.  30% of Facebook is leaving.  Ug.  Fine.  Nobody.  Nobody is leaving.

Since the person that inspired this post “quit” Facebook, he probably won’t see this, which may or may not be a good thing.  I consider him a friend and I’d hate to lose him as one over a whole bunch of nasty little words, but sometimes even real life friends deserve to be put in the their place sometimes.  Like sometimes my grammar is terrible and my real life friends tell me.  (but seriously, don't tell him)

This post really isn’t about quitting Facebook.  Do you really think you’d be able to quit.  Haha.  Yeah right.  Your involvement with Facebook is similar to my friend Blake’s involvement with energy drinks.  Nobody is quitting anything any time soon. This post is more about how you quit Facebook. Do you silently slink back in to the shadows of the real world, free of it’s shackles, or do you shout at anyone that will listen, talking down to every person that reads your 3 ½ page long status update?

Look, If you want to quit Facebook, then good for you.  You’ll probably have a lot more time on your hands, but you don’t have to proclaim it like you’re better than everyone who has chosen to remain.  Just quit.  No fanfare.  No proclamations.  No “final words”.  People will figure it out and you don’t look like you’re starving for attention.

All that said, if you’re going to go and make a scene about it, you might as well make a list off all your Facebook friends that you hated and give reasons why, ie. . .

Nancy McPreggers – your status updates are less than desireable.  Could you please talk about something other than your baby.  It’s not even that cute.

Glen Coco – Nobody is trying to take your guns.

Fabio (no last name given) – Nice profile pictures.  Did all your “photographer” friends shoot those for your portfolio?

Anyway, before I actually take this further than I should and hurt people’s feelings, I’m going to stop. 

Besides, we all know that NOBODY QUITS FACEBOOK.


Lara said...

I love this. And I know who you're talking about. And now I have a grudge because I felt talked down to in the so-called "I'm quitting" speech/post/oration. My mom taught me to never be a quitter. So I ain't quitting.

Aricka said...

I am so glad I didn't leave a status notice that I was leaving Facebook when I left Facebook. What do you call it when your husband wants you to join Facebook power with him? He felt it wasn't fair to my family who didn't live near me. Life isn't fair.