Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Blair Witte: Too Cool For School. Seriously. She Didn't Graduate*.º

Blair, sitting under a freshly tagged wall, basks in the glow of the evening sun.  Here she contemplates the meaning of life, and also ways to shank Rudy.  Notice the switch blade in her hand.  A true killer.  When asked if she graduated high school, Blair said "matt, you're an idiot".  That's a confession if i've ever heard one.
Rudy, unaware of the danger around the corner, awkwardly stares at the camera.  Two things about this photo. First, If you concentrate like you're looking at one of those stupid 3d trick pictures that i could never see, it looks like rudy is missing hands.  Second, Rudy's shadow is really small and appears to be missing arms.
The afternoon sun casts shadows across the old milk factory.  Here is where 10,000 gallons of pure unadulterated milk flowed from the udders of some 200,000 unwilling participants.
The sun has a circumference of approximately 4,366,800 km, which is 2,713,403 miles if you're American.
Skip Armstrong gently sets the camera down in order to pick up some used gum that he found on the ground.  I told him it was gross and that it was too old, but he said, and i quote, "no gum is too old".  When he picked it up we realized that it wasn't actually gum, and that it was in fact a used needle, so. . . . . yeah.  don't do drugs.

A single shaft of light makes its way from the sun, approximately 149,600,000 km away, across the dusty floor, illuminating Blair's earlier tags.
Ryan Hudson takes a minute out of his day to organize some buckets.  When Ryan was younger, he won best bucket organizer at the county fair three years in a row.  Later in his life, Ryan was banned from bucket organizing competitions after testing positive for Ritalin.  When asked about this situation, he said "Matt, you're an idiot".
At the end of the day, when asked again about graduating from high school, Blair Witte singlehandedly punched out almost every panel on the garage door. Note to self.  Don't ask Blair about high school.

*She didn't not graduate.
ºAlso everything that is written in this post is not true.  Except for the part about Skip eating used gum.  That's true.


Aricka said...


MindySue said...

So, each of the 200,000 cows only produced .05 gallons of milk? Seems like a pretty crappy milk factory. Or crappy cows.