Thursday, July 18, 2013

The Boston Bomber: A Rolling Stone Cover Fiasco

This is going to be short and to the point.

I don't care.  Neither should you.  if you don't like it, don't buy it. Nobody was complaining when his face was plastered all over the news two months ago (thanks eric), so what's the big deal now? If you're idiotic enough to change your opinion on someone just because they're on the cover of Rolling Stone, then it's about time you start reading books instead of magazines.

I'm not going to bother to read the article because the only magazines I read are TMZ and Cosmo, but i'm going to assume that the article probably just talks about how he's a terrible person, just like all the news channels did.  Just like they should. Because he is.  Look, he can go choke on a foot long summer sausage for all I care.

I think the bigger issue here is education in America and how you can grow up going to a school learning how to be smart and you end up being so gullible that a magazine cover can somehow make you think a murderer is cool.  OMG, If I murder people, I'm going to be on a magazine!!!!!

Nobody is praising him. Get over it.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Mob Mentality: How Does One Actually End Up Putting A Human Head On A Pole?

In all of my 29 years living on this planet, I have never been a part of a mob, which is kind of disappointing.  I’ve seen them on TV and movies and they’ve always looked kind of fun.  

The mob mentality has always been quite fascinating to me. The idea that you get a bunch of brains all in one group, and you yell a lot and all of a sudden, those brains are listening to what you say and they become one giant brain and they will do WHATEVER YOU WANT.  That’s crazy awesome.

Unless of course you convince a group of people to dismember someone, then convince them to stick the dismembered head on a pole.  That’s just crazy.  But that’s exactly what happened at a soccer match in Brazil the other week.  Click HERE for an article.

Now the CNN article doesn’t specifically mention one of the most bizarre parts of the whole ordeal, but other articles have, which might mean that it’s not true, but it is CNN so it could just be poor journalism.  Anyway, the worst part of the whole thing was at the end, someone put the dismembered head on a pole

What is most crazy to me is how quickly the chain of events occurred.  It’s eerily similar to the scene in Anchorman, where the characters are talking about the fight that broke out and how fast it got out of hand. Someone killed a guy with a trident, etc…  We all laughed at that movie because it seemed pretty far out.  Turns out, it’s not that far out.

Within the time span of a couple hours (nearfact), a group of people went from, “hey, it’s cool, I’m watching a soccer match.  Mom, could you grab me a coke”, to “hey, don’t mind me, I’m just going to cut this guys arms and legs off and stick his head on a pole. No big deal.”. NO BIG DEAL.

I’d like to meet the guy who saw the head just sitting there, and thought to himself, “Well, we should really put that head somewhere.  We can’t just leave it there to roll around. How about we just take that head and put it right here on this pole, that way people will know where to find it.  Sort of like a marker saying ‘hey, here is the dismembered corpse in case you’re looking for it’”.  But let’s be honest with ourselves, I’m sure he was thinking something more along the lines of “AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH KIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL”.

It is almost too much to comprehend.  One minute you’re watching soccer, the next you’re cutting a guys head off.  It’s hard for me to think that there couldn’t have been someone there not really psyched on the whole decapitation thing, thinking “this seems a bit drastic”, but I guess that’s why the mob mentality is so powerful, because if you do think that cutting someone’s arms and legs off is an over reaction, you’re not likely to say anything.  And if you are willing to say something, it’s just to dang loud to do anything.

So just remember.  Next time you find yourself holding a machete in an angry mob, step back, take some deep breaths and probably try not to cut anybody limbs off, because I think after everyone has dispersed and you’re left standing there holding somebody’s severed head, you just might regret it.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

People Who Walk and Read at the Same Time: Pick One.

I was walking down the street the other day, reading some texts when I looked up and saw a hippie walking down the street in the opposite direction pretending to read a book. My first instinct was to punch his book out of his hand straight into his face, but I used my training in critical self-control and staved off the attack.  Lucky him.

Ok. A few things to think about.

First off, if you’re “that person”, then realize that the only person you’re fooling is yourself.  I know you’re not actually reading, and everyone else knows you’re not actually reading, but for some reason, you seem to think that you’re filling your greasy little head with knowledge, when in fact the only thing you're filling it with are delusional thoughts of grandeur.  Look, It doesn't take Copernicus to see that all of that information is bouncing off your dreaded skullet. I can see those two syllable words giving you trouble from all the way across the road. . . while squinting.

Second, realize that you can’t do both tasks equally well. You’re either walking while looking at meaningless words on a page, or you’re reading while walking in to walls and plunging into fountains. You choose.  Trying to do both is like trying to read when you're really tired and you end up reading the same paragraph six times before finally giving up and going to sleep.  It's just not happening.

Third, nobody thinks you’re “talented" or “cultured” because you’re read-walking. They think you’re an idiot for trying to do both at the same time. You want to see people with real talent? Look at a marching band.  They're marching around in cadence with everyone around them, playing an effing tuba.  That's amazing.

Every time I see someone read-walking I imagine their internal conversation goes something like this:

“Man, I need to wash my hair.”
“It’s so long. It’s getting in the way of my vision.  How am I supposed to read my book on Buddhism with my hair always covering the pages?”
“Can that person see that I’m reading?”
“I’m so cultured I can’t stand it.”
“Is that me? Do I stink that bad?”
"How can I stink when I rubbed crystals and patchouli all over my naked greasy body?"
"Oh crap, I forgot I was holding a book in front of my face"
"Did that person notice that I wasn't looking at my book"
"Is the title big enough for them to read the word Buddhism?"

Yeah.  Buddhism.  Of course you're reading a book on Buddhism.

Next time you're running late for a meeting, but you just can't put down 50 shades of grey, just be late. Or, save that eloquent writing for later.  Don't try and do both.