Monday, September 16, 2013

Why I Hate Ragnar: A Story of Truthº and Factsª, as Well as a Lot of Insults.

At the risk of losing some facebook friends and alienating myself from a lot of people, I decided to do this post because I hate ragnar that much.  Sorry mom.

To those of you that run the ragnar relay, I’m going to say good job.  Running isn’t the easiest thing to do and any amount of it, no matter how small, is great.  Even if you’re running 3 miles every 10 hours and stuffing your face with mcdonalds in a crew van while watching your 50 other relay partners run their respective legs.  Keep up the good work.

Just to be clear, ragnar isn’t paying me to say this.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Matt, you should really be a spokesperson for them”, and they actually did ask me (they didn’t), but I had to decline because the idea of ragnar makes me want punch myself in the face.

For those of you still wondering what ragnar is, here is a brief introduction:  Ragnar is a relay race (on foot) that people do in order to make themselves feel like they’re cool and athletic.  It appeals to certain demographics, woo girls, and people who like to be make every activity a social extravaganza.

Pretty simple.

Look, I wouldn’t consider myself a runner.  I enjoy it when I can, but by no means am I good at it.  I just think that ragnar is doing a disservice to the running community.  Selling the expectation that in order to have fun running races, you need to drive 90% of the way and act like a complete jackass doesn’t make the running community look good.  It makes them look like lazy jackasses. 

But matt, not every race needs to be serious.
I totally agree with that.  So stop putting those stupid stickers on your car and acting like Prefontaine.

If I have to look at one more sticker (no matter how insanely genius that logo is) on the back of someone’s minivan, I’m going to lose my shit. I don’t care if you did it.  Nobody cares that you did it.  Take off your ragnar shirt, put your ragnar book bag away and stop it with the stickers. Putting one on your car doesn’t make you cool.  It makes you a target for vandalism.

Some more beef I have is their marketing campaign.

Ragnar’s insanely annoying PR push is, as I said earlier in the sentence, insanely annoying.  Every time I’m on my multi-bi-hourly facebook check, I’m constantly being inundated with stupid ads for ragnar.  At no point did i ever sign up for one, and I’ve been pretty clear about my feelings toward them, so I’m not sure why they pop up.  Does using the word “ragnar” make them pop up, even if I’m using it in a sentence like this:  “I hate ragnar”?  It must be, because I keep seeing them.

And the promo videos. . . . They’re like something straight out of devin grahm’s youtube page.  Enough with the steadicam and shots of attractive people screaming and making hand signals into the camera, looking like they’re having a good time.  Your road course looks like turds.

The only way that running a ragnar is considered awesome is if you run it by yourself.  The one man/woman relay.  Or if you ran it backwards.  I would say that would be pretty impressive as well. If you find yourself passing a baton to some other person in front of you, you are a douche.

At the end of the day, I don’t think ragnar is all that bad.  I mean, I do, I think it’s a cancer in the running world, but I understand that it motivates people to get out and run.  I just think that it is doing it in the stupidest way possible.

Try running for running sake, instead of doing it to be social.  I think if you spent some time on a trail by yourself, instead of trying to look good for everyone else, you’d really appreciate what running has to offer. An escape from your every day existence and an avenue to genuinely think about what sort of horrible things are going to happen to you in your next life because of the poor decisions you made in this one.  Say no to ragnar.

PS - $100 to sign up? You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ll punch you in the mouth for $50 and we’ll call it even.

PPS - You'll be running mostly on dirt or paved roads, gulping up the dust and exhaust from support vehicles and destroying your joints.

º Untruths
ª Nearfacts