Monday, September 16, 2013

Why I Hate Ragnar: A Story of Truthº and Factsª, as Well as a Lot of Insults.

At the risk of losing some facebook friends and alienating myself from a lot of people, I decided to do this post because I hate ragnar that much.  Sorry mom.

To those of you that run the ragnar relay, I’m going to say good job.  Running isn’t the easiest thing to do and any amount of it, no matter how small, is great.  Even if you’re running 3 miles every 10 hours and stuffing your face with mcdonalds in a crew van while watching your 50 other relay partners run their respective legs.  Keep up the good work.

Just to be clear, ragnar isn’t paying me to say this.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Matt, you should really be a spokesperson for them”, and they actually did ask me (they didn’t), but I had to decline because the idea of ragnar makes me want punch myself in the face.

For those of you still wondering what ragnar is, here is a brief introduction:  Ragnar is a relay race (on foot) that people do in order to make themselves feel like they’re cool and athletic.  It appeals to certain demographics, woo girls, and people who like to be make every activity a social extravaganza.

Pretty simple.

Look, I wouldn’t consider myself a runner.  I enjoy it when I can, but by no means am I good at it.  I just think that ragnar is doing a disservice to the running community.  Selling the expectation that in order to have fun running races, you need to drive 90% of the way and act like a complete jackass doesn’t make the running community look good.  It makes them look like lazy jackasses. 

But matt, not every race needs to be serious.
I totally agree with that.  So stop putting those stupid stickers on your car and acting like Prefontaine.

If I have to look at one more sticker (no matter how insanely genius that logo is) on the back of someone’s minivan, I’m going to lose my shit. I don’t care if you did it.  Nobody cares that you did it.  Take off your ragnar shirt, put your ragnar book bag away and stop it with the stickers. Putting one on your car doesn’t make you cool.  It makes you a target for vandalism.

Some more beef I have is their marketing campaign.

Ragnar’s insanely annoying PR push is, as I said earlier in the sentence, insanely annoying.  Every time I’m on my multi-bi-hourly facebook check, I’m constantly being inundated with stupid ads for ragnar.  At no point did i ever sign up for one, and I’ve been pretty clear about my feelings toward them, so I’m not sure why they pop up.  Does using the word “ragnar” make them pop up, even if I’m using it in a sentence like this:  “I hate ragnar”?  It must be, because I keep seeing them.

And the promo videos. . . . They’re like something straight out of devin grahm’s youtube page.  Enough with the steadicam and shots of attractive people screaming and making hand signals into the camera, looking like they’re having a good time.  Your road course looks like turds.

The only way that running a ragnar is considered awesome is if you run it by yourself.  The one man/woman relay.  Or if you ran it backwards.  I would say that would be pretty impressive as well. If you find yourself passing a baton to some other person in front of you, you are a douche.

At the end of the day, I don’t think ragnar is all that bad.  I mean, I do, I think it’s a cancer in the running world, but I understand that it motivates people to get out and run.  I just think that it is doing it in the stupidest way possible.

Try running for running sake, instead of doing it to be social.  I think if you spent some time on a trail by yourself, instead of trying to look good for everyone else, you’d really appreciate what running has to offer. An escape from your every day existence and an avenue to genuinely think about what sort of horrible things are going to happen to you in your next life because of the poor decisions you made in this one.  Say no to ragnar.

PS - $100 to sign up? You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ll punch you in the mouth for $50 and we’ll call it even.

PPS - You'll be running mostly on dirt or paved roads, gulping up the dust and exhaust from support vehicles and destroying your joints.

º Untruths
ª Nearfacts 


Anonymous said...

Do Lotaja next. Why are you so angry? Did you mom not love you as a kid because she went out running instead? Do you go to parades and yell at 2 year olds for getting excited? You need a hug and a cookie.

MindySue said...

Dear Anonymous -- wow, that was pretty accurate. I'm impressed. Matt, what the heck? You know how much I love running! Why would you do this to me? You probably kick puppies too!

Anonymous said...

could you imagine how angry it would make matt if people ran ragnar will roller backpacks?

Anonymous said...

The only way that I can be considered a real runner is to participate in Ragnar, which I consider to be the equivalent of a triathlon or competitive trail running. We live in age of social media, why would I do anything other than boosting my social status? I think you should avoid destroying your social network and accumulate 'likes'. Join the Ragnar revolution of running.

Anonymous said...

Also, expect Ragnar stickers popping up on your vehicle and other random places.

Anonymous said...

HAhahahhhaaaa! Yes!

Anonymous said...

Bravo! Every one has a freaking Ragnar sticker in Utah anyway. My 85 year old grandpa has one and so does his dog. I call them Douche tags.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more! Running is great but why does it have to be some stupid trend here in Utah to run a relay race and label your self as some athlete? Maybe I just have a sour taste for it cause most everyone I know or have met that's has run a Ragnar race is a total tool or douche.

Anonymous said...

Thank you!

3fingerjones said...

I love this read. You said it perfect. The comments made me laugh. I bet all the negative comments come from people that pay to walk that stupid race. This is by far my favorite read of the month. thank You.

Anonymous said...

I love it! 90% driving is spot on, and I detest RAGNAR stickers as well. Thank you for the spot on view of this relay walk.


Well said Matt, I hate Ragnar more then anything, especially for his love to crsitianaty (ruined the series) and for that I will not watch this series anymore, sad thing but i'm not taking anymore cristian Shi**. So unless he dies im not watching this anymore. DEATH TO RAGNAR

Ragnarian_ said...

Matt, sorry if you don't have a team to join, U can join our team next year.

Anonymous said...

If people like doing it then why not. Apparently a lot of people like it as there were 400 teams in the Madison to Chicago Ragnar a week or so ago. Would I do it, no, but if people enjoy it great. It is a challenge no matter what one thinks.