Friday, December 20, 2013

Duck Dynasty: Might Want to Read That Fine Print Next Time

Do you know what I love? America. Do you know why? Because we do whatever we want.  “Hey, I want your oil”. . . . So we start a war.  “Hey, you can’t come in here”. . . . So we build a wall.  “Hey, I want to make a show about people who make devices that talk to ducks”. . . . So we create Duck Dynasty.

If you’re not familiar with Duck Dynasty, it’s similar to the Qing Dynasty, but with beards and more merchandise.  But in all seriousness, it’s a show about some guys who make devices that talk to ducks. . . . Seriously.  This is a show. Guys with beards goof around and MAKE DEVICES THAT TALK TO DUCKS, which is kind of a crazy concept for a show, but I’ve seen way crazier.

I haven’t actually ever seen the show, so I don’t REALLY know what it’s about, but it seems to have quite a following, given all the “merch” coming out of the front doors of Walmart. And this following is now up in arms over the people who are up in arms involving a remark made by Patriach Phil Robertson.

In what will go down in history as a one of the most moderate debacles of all time, Phil Roberston unintentionally interviewed with GQ, mistaking it for just a shortened name of his favorite magazine, Good Quack.

In his interview, he said what pretty much everybody who has seen the show assumed he would say eventually, in that he related homosexuality to bestiality and terrorism. While I have a hard time drawing that connection, it seems that the majority of the fans of Duck Dynasty are able to fairly confidently connect those dots.

Because of this terrible mix-up,  A&E, which is short for American and Entertaining (I just described myself),  suspended Phil, releasing a statement saying, “Phil, come on man, you know better than that. I thought we were friends and then you go and do something like this, how could you?”

At the announcement of his suspension, and thinking that there might be an issue with his first amendments being trampled, all the 2016 Republican hopefuls like Sarah Palin, and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal (R) jumped at the opportunity to make a stink.

Louisiana Gov. Boby Jindal (R), said, “I remember when TV networks believed in the First Amendment”. . . Actually Jindal, they have never believed in your version of what you think the First Amendment means. If it were true, people would say whatever they wanted, and it’s clear that they don’t because there are censors. So why don’t you go choke on your version of the first amendment, but only to the point where you think you’re going to die. I don’t actually want you to die. That would be pretty terrible, I’m sure you’re an ok person, just minus the idiot part.

My issue has nothing to do with homosexuality, or bigotry, or rednecks, or Sarah Palin, and is more just a reminder to read your contracts.

If you have a swearing problem and you sign a contract that says you’re not going to swear at work, and you swear at work, you can legally be fired.  They’re not infringing upon your first amendment rights, (which by the way doesn’t give you the right to “say whatever you want”, just to be clear, AKA libel, slander, etc. . .) They’re infringing upon your stupidity to sign a contract you know you’re going to break.

While I agree that Phil has the right to think gays are basically really fashionable terrorists, I also agree with A&E’s right to suspend him for breaking contract. I haven’t read his contract personally, however I think it would be safe to assume that it’s like any other reality show contact in that you can get fired for taking a dump without asking.

I mean, if you want to hate gays, sure, go ahead. You’re an embarrassment, but go ahead.  Just don’t be mad when you realize that your contract that you signed says that you can be fired for making the company you work for look bad.  It’s hard to imagine that A&E would break their own contract and risk getting sued.  It just doesn’t make sense, although neither does a show about duck calls, so i guess we’re well beyond the realm of sensibility at this point.