I recently heard a story about a guy who experimented with a
bikram yoga class, because bikram yoga classes are pretty much made up of pervy
guys in spandex trying to rub up against sweaty girls in spandex,
unfortunately, the “sausage” to “bun” ratio is so skewed that there is no room
for any “buns” in the studio. Anyway, The instructor wouldn’t let him leave,
and forced him to do sun salutations until he dropped. Sad day.
In case you aren’t a yoga loving hippie, bikram yoga (hot
yoga) is essentially yoga, performed by a bunch of perverted men in a “studio”
that resembles the inside of a furnace, but sweatier. They turn up the heat and humidity because they think that
doing yoga in a hot and sweaty jungle is “cleansing”. What they don’t understand is that they mixed up the meaning
of the word “cleansing” with “stupid”.
What I don’t understand is why on earth you would subject
yourself to torture like that? Seriously, they used similar techniques in
Guantanamo Bay and that place was “shut down”.
Just to be clear, I’m not disrespecting yoga. Stretching and relaxation is a good
thing. I am all for that. What I’m not for is creating a yoga
atmosphere similar to the planet mercury, just so you can pretend to be
healthier and better than everyone else.
Look, you don’t need bikram yoga to feel like you’re better than other
people. You most likely have
money, and that alone is enough to literally make you better than most people
on the planet.
It’s like my mother used to say:
Mom - “matt, do you see all those sweaty idiots coming out
of bikram yoga?”
Matt – “no.”
Mom – “those idiots.
Right over there [points to a group of idiots].”
Matt – “oh yes, I can see them. They look like they were just waterboarded”.
Mom – “They might as well have been.”
Wise words from my mother.
In closing, I would like to mention 5 facts that I discovered
after researching bikram yoga on the internet:
1. Bikram yoga does not make you better than people
who do regular yoga.
2.
Bikram yoga does not make you healthier. It makes you more gaunt looking.
3.
Bikram yoga classes are literal sausage
parties. Literally. It’s so hot that men’s genitals bake
within their black spandex.
4.
Bikram yoga is on par with public masturbation. Thrilling to think about, but
detrimental to society.
5.
Bikram yoga is as addictive as meth.
Remember.
Bikram yoga. Not even once.
