All photos are all scanned negatives shot on a Voigtlander Bessa medium format camera.
Ok, this is Clayton (photo above)(this is actually not the opposite of what i'm saying. It is actually Clayton. I can see how this might be a confusing blog post). He is a woodworker (not opposite, he really is a wood worker). He squints a lot, which makes him kind of ugly, but we're still friends when he needs a favor from me (not opp. . . . screw it, you can figure it out).
Clayton works with his brother, Joey, but doesn't want him to succeed, so sometimes he'll go through his wood like you see above, and he'll find the best stuff and take it in a corner and spray paint curse words all over them. Bad ones.
Sometimes, when he makes a chair that is better than his brother's, he will walk around the shop, loudly proclaiming that he is the best wood worker of all time and that his brother should just quit to avoid the shame. To me, this seems a bit rude, but I am not Clayton and my brain doesn't work the same.
Sometimes, when Joey is not working, Clayton will go and shave some wood off his tubafours. This aggravates Joey because Clayton will always blame someone else, usually Chad, and will never admit to it.
Clayton will also use Joey's tools without asking. Above is Clayton using Joey's spoke shave. Afterward, Clayton took his spoke shave out to the parking lot and drove over it with his car, which, in the wood worker's world is the ultimate put-down.
Despite being the world's worst person, he does make some pretty baller furniture, which kind of makes up for the whole cannibalism thing.