Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Conversations over Coffee: Soccer vs. Football

Now just to clear up any confusion, we’re not going to talk about sports. I think they’re a waste of time and I’d rather poke my own eyes out than spend time watching them, let along talk about them. . . . Actually, I take that back. I wouldn’t poke my own eyes out, but I would poke other people’s eyes out. Anyway, what we are actually going to talk about is something I overheard the other day while “working” at a coffee shop.

This guy, a very white American, said in a voice that was meant to be heard by everyone around him, “when I hear the word football, I think of soccer”, which is absolutely absurd, and I have a few things I’d like to say about that subject.
  1. No you don’t.
  2. If you actually do, then you're either foreign, or an asshole, or both. 

You can’t tell me that growing up in America, the land of the free, home of the brave, that you relate to what everyone else on the planet thinks. We are a proud people, and have shunned what everyone else does, even if it makes sense. Case in point:

- Metric System: Nope.
- Universal Heathcare: Go back to Canaduh, Socialist Commies.
- Cheese Wheels: Laissez faire, you frogs.
- Exercise: Fat Chance.
- Bullet Trains: No!
- Not Refrigerating Eggs: Why do we refrigerate eggs?

The point is. I don’t see how the word “football” can make you think of soccer, when you have grown up in a society that thinks the exact opposite. Just be proud to be an American. When I travel abroad, I love bringing the traits that make me a part of this country, and spread them like a virus so that others can see just how great our culture is: T-shirts. Loud talking. Driving on the right. Occupy Iraq (loved that movement). These are all things that make us who we are, just like not recognizing football as an international ball sport is who we are as well. 


America!